30 September 2012

Arg! Stressing!

We got the keys of our new apartment yesterday, we got up early today to clean every corner of it today [was a very smart decision not to be lazy] and the next 3 days, or shall I say the next week, is going to be so stressful I don't even know what to expect.

We're gonna move all our stuff with my father's car tomorrow, leaving only our internet in the old apartment. Which leads us to the following question- when we'll move the internet? I need to call the costumer service and tell them we're moving, but this will happen only the day after tomorrow because it's fucking holiday and it is ruining all my plans. I also need to make sure the guys from costumer service could be able to send someone this week because we want to leave our old dump as soon as possible! Funny I actually work in the same company from which our internet comes from. Shitty company, don't ever go there :)

However the stress, I feel I am finally falling in love with our new place! It has 2 rooms when our old place had 1 and a half, and it has nice taps, floor, toilet and shower and the house is full of students just like us, with no weird neighbors and mold that could infect your entire apartment in the winter [it happened, it was horrid and made us terribly sick].

The only problem is that we can't keep an animal in the new place. That is, the other people that lived there told us that as long as the owner of the house has no idea about it, it's ok. So we're gonna have a secret mission moving our sphinx rat to our new apartment. He's gonna love it ^-^

Boris holds Misch. This is from his first days with us! Has grown rather large since then.

What also stressing is a "goffik fashion" photoshoot that was planned by a 16 year old girl on Thursday, which I'll be taking part in. Why? Because she invited me after looking at my recent photoshoot that I posted here, and it is also important for me as a makeup artist to participate as much as possible is different free of charge shit, as this. I really hope this won't be so amateur as it can be, I hope to get the best of it anyway.

Speaking of photoshoots, I have a new picture Palina sent me!

Yay I look... rather sad and the ugly shape of my face is actually visible here. And my eyes are too close.
But whatever, I like the colors of it, I look 30 years back!

Anywho that's all for today,
Must I say thanks a lot for the new readers, I couldn't have done it without Natalie's mentioning me in one of her recent posts [OMG!]. Thanks so much this means a lot!
So yeah, thank you everyone, I am going to sleep after a storm of doing and arranging.

+ Nebel Violet +

28 September 2012

No tears from the creatures of the night!

I am feeling a lot better since Boris came home yesterday and cheered me up.
Also i have to thank dear Natalie for writing such a nice comment and actually offering support by mail. Thank you so much dear, this means a lot to me.

This is just a quick post because I have some great news:
I discovered [secretly, and it has been official since yesterday] that on the 5th of October of my birthday our local goth club will have an 80's party!!!!
This made me so happy and joyful hence good 80's parties are so rare, not to mention good ones, and this club is always making ebm parties anyway so I didn't even expect they would have 80's [they had a year ago].
This makes my birthday friday so perfect I don't even know which songs should be played!

I have so many favorites, and I wanted to share a few here.
Have a nice friday everybody!

I'll have to tone down my expectation the DJ will play everything I want, but it's still worth the try ^^
I am kind of having a hard time to chose which 80's songs will make my night perfect, I will think through.

+ Nebel Violet +

26 September 2012


I hate it when I stay alone and all those heavy thought come and won't let me do the things I want to, won't let me function.
I came across this feeling a lot this year, and what most disturbing is- it has never happened again before.
I tend to have these days.. actually there are two types of days:

  1. When I wake up with the most horrid mood in the universe, and it's a long day that I must survive through all of it because I have plenty of activities including work and I must have the energy for all of them. Instead I just keep thinking how bad is my life and the way it turned out, I pity myself and everything considering my life and unable to function at all. I can't cooperate with anything and I just leave work in the middle saying I am not feeling well, go home, tell what I feel to Boris for like the billion time, and constantly convince myself that I shouldn't think these thought but I am unable to deny they tend to have better control over me than I am over them...
  2. When I wake up I am in an neutral mood doing what I planned for the day, perhaps extra even, everything is alright but when Boris leaves for work or I am done with everything and there's some blank amount of time left I suddenly sink into deep sadness and misery, pretending everything is so bad even if I started the day perfectly natural... And it prevents me from going on, I am just stuck and can't do anything to get myself out of this such as drawing and writing [like now] etc.
I am in the 2nd state now. Boris if off for work but he'll shortly be back, it's been a couple of days for me to rest until I begin being busy again, I am trying to draw some sketches and it looks fine but I can't burn the remaining time until Boris comes back properly. I am also down by the fact that I need to wake up at 6 in the morning tomorrow for work... We also have a german lessom tomorrow and it keeps reminding me that no matter how many times I say to myself I should practice more I don't practice properly... and then i end up understanding less than I thought.... though I am making progress.
And  although me and Boris had an amazing and quiet day together, we even started to pack a little bit for our new apartment, I have discovered two bands that I like, I still feel like shit.

I never was diagnosed with anything because I never opened up with this condition to anyone, perhaps it is an influence from my ever denying mother, who likes to deny anything that is negative, persuading herself everything's fine.
And this is another thing that makes me upset- my "family". No matter how I tried I cannot help the ones I cannot change, the person who is supposed to be my [step] father giving no shit about me [he never did really, but he is not a bad person nonetheless] not to mention my real father trying to give a shit after 20 years of ignorance, my mother who's life is breaking apart and she needs psychological and sociological help herself, but as I said before, denies it with all her might, not to mention the fact that my brother throws shit at her, because he is terribly spoiled and no matter how many times I lectured my mom she should change her methods concerning him she of course, denies it, leaving herself doing everything around the house without my brother helping her.

I think this is enough gut spilling for a while, it only looks this bad, it isn't, and as I said on the previous post- I must fight the challenges life gives me. I can only be one man to myself being supported with the people that love me, or decide who really cares about me and stick to them.
This is why sometimes I hate being alone.
Because when I was 15 with those thoughts, sitting friday nights alone without Boris because there was no public traffic to help us meet, writing my guts out using poetry and short stories, I could actually use my depression to create.
Somehow this changed and I have lost this ability. I have many hobbies but none of them is meant for draining grief. I suppose I should find one, but then again- I still don't think something's missing.

25 September 2012

Why am I so suddenly depressed?

Recently I have been very busy with living and had no time to relax.
Holidays required pointless visits to different meals and family meetings that were a complete waste of time for me, and as the holidays ended the everyday life didn't leave any time to sleep or rest.

I spent sodomizingly tiring days at work that had me so fed up  wanted to just leave and never come back, but luckily I convinced myself not to do so hence I really need the money and eventually the place where I work is too convenient and flexible for my ever changing daily life.

I've also been down for some days but I will have a few days to rest at last, and I've been also busy with studying german, drawing and customizing clothes which generally always makes me feel better and doesn't let me drown into complete despair.

Here are some pictures of the last day's holiday and some random shots at work:

 What is comforting me is that those tiny signs of autumn at last in the air: I am actually sleeping with clothes at night covered with a blanket, I can AT LAST wear two stocking at once and layer clothes like a descent human being as I love to, I can ware chokers without.. ehm.. choking from heat and sweat.. and I can finally wear my favorite combat boots!!! I am so happy!

My 21th birthday is soon to come on the 5th of October, which will follow along our new apartment, the loads of stuff we would have to move from here to there etc.... I am pleased with the new one, I am dying to move already. Luckily my father surprisingly offered his help by loading stuff in his car to help us move. This I didn't expect, however this is extra nice of him. Boris' dad is obviously helping us as well, but that's not a surprise :)

But what I am really waiting for is my little vacation. I will have it from the 5th to celebrate my birthday properly, because I will never ever have a day at work on my birthday! And this will follow a whole week i am taking off from work for final apartment arrangements and to finally set down.
We are being supported by Boris' grandmother, who kindly, decided to give us a lot of money for the holiday. She isn't at all rich, but that gesture was something I couldn't expect in a million years!
I am afraid this would fool me to actually count on the people I consider my family. Hope I won't and will only count on myself! I hate when these thought fill my head.

And to at least try and end this post on a positive note, I will put up here a video we did yesterday when I tried to walk in heelless heels! Haha, they are actually for real!

Stay strong,

20 September 2012

The Tilo Wolff inspiration + photoshoot

Has arrived:

This is so cool! I was really excited finally getting the first look we did! It looks esxctly as planned, and funny it even looks like it was shot at night but it was dailight!!! Thank you my dear Palina for giving my such an amazing opportunity to express myself and my style!!!

White lace blouse was found at a second hand market in tel Aviv, vest belonged to Boris' father which was resewed for my size, random black shorts and my favorite boots.

Like a normal and healthy 15 year old who was having a crush on her favorite singer, one of my [many] crushes was Tilo Wolff.
Boris had introduced Lacrimosa to me on our first meeting, and on our second meeting [our first date] he gave me a CD burned with classic rock such as Led Zeppelin, The Doors and Dio as he was a huge fan of them at the time [and later I became too]. Funny Lacrimosa was also on that CD :)
He even gave me a poster from a russian classic rock magazine of Tilo and Anne Nurmi. We have it hanging till this day in our appartment :)

And this was the first Lacrimosa song I ever heard, makes me chill each time I hear it. And after some time, I can eve understand the text!! 

Lacrimosa/ Warum so tief

This is all for tonight, I had pretty arabic like nails done and I am going to sleep.

If you want, I will happily appreciate your support on more modelling photos and morbid photos at my deviantart. It means a lot!

18 September 2012

Outfit of the Night: Robert Smith VS Boy Geroge

Seriously? But no. Never.

This was my outfit for the VNV Narion + Apoptygma Berzerk pary that was on friday. It was great fun and I really enjoyed my new outfit experiment so to speak.

Fun Fact: I used to wear nude clubbing clothes, such as "doing almost everything to make others see my butt" or perhaps "wear a corset, a bra and a lot of stocking and minimalized shorts [underwear kind of boxers for girls??]".
And I've decided to change that and go more trad.
I also enjoyed my new fringe experiment! I tried to make it look like Lydia of Beetlejuice, but it wasn't that comfortable so I made the tiny spikes to the side because my fringe was too long :)

I look so yellowish next to Boris with his white makeup on XD

With the beautiful and talented Rayne ColdKiss that I finally got to meet!

Boris and I got some really cute photos at last! Mostly we just look silly with all our makeup all over our faces. This time we actually look cute ^^''

Fun Fact X2:
As I already mentioned, and I will happily mention again: we HATE VNV & Apoptygma!
I finally found that super awesome song that makes us dance like crazy and want to heart it all over again and maybe do a dance video too:

Kick ass song! I wish all VNV's songs were this cool and not bore the shit out of me! :)

First holiday of "Israeli's unusual holiday series" is over. next up would be another holiday in October that always falls on my birthday.
Will update soon!

+ Nebel Violet +

16 September 2012

Dark 80's Photoshoot!

I got some more pictures from the photoshoot I did with the beautiful Palina of Pneuma Sonata!
I still haven't got the Tilo Wolf outfit we did because the pictures are really heavy, but here's the other two looks we did!

You can also support this at my deviantart.

The other friday we had an awsome EBM party dedicated to Apoptygma Berzerk & VNV Nation due to their visit to Israel pretty soon. I have to admit that Boris and I detest these bands so much [fucking boring!] though we understand why people like them... but I was very surprised that the party was a whole lot of fun with friend I didn't see for a while and with some good music aside from AB and VNV. Thank God.

Also the upcoming 2 days we have the Jewish New Year in Israel, another holiday that takes no live interesting place in my heart hence jewish holidays mean absolutely nothing to me, not to mention my belief is totally different in everything surrounding me. The holiday follows by massive family meetings [I hate my family] and lots of food that's just dying to make me fat. I'll have to look at tons of thinspiration @ Tumblr [or at myself] to survive this.
Just kidding ;)

I remember I had plans for making several posts about And Also the Trees, the latest party we've been to, outfits of the day and a couple of others but I always end up submitting loads of pictures of myself and write less text.
This needs to be changed!
I'll try my best, and now I shall go and rest after waking up too early for work.

13 September 2012

Sneak Peak on a recent photoshoot

The other day I finally had time for a photoshoot with the lovely Palina of ~Pneuma Sonata.

First of all, CHECK OUT HER ETSY!!!
It has amazing works, not to mention she is one of the few people in Israel who struggles to expand the Goth subculture more than it's possible, and she is a dear friend of mine. So support her or you'll die.

And without any further a due, here's the first picture I received from her today:

Photo by: ~Pneuma Sonata.
Model, Makeup, Hair & Styling: Nebel Finsternis Violet.

This amazing neckless is made by her, please please check her out!!!
I was so excited when I first saw this because this is probably the most fun photoshoot I ever had, we had such a nice atmosphere and I was really inspired by everything my hands layed on. I really hope to make stuff like this more in the future as long as I have the chance!!!


Funny how the photoshoot started as merely Post Punk and then progressed to something fashion-like and we ended as Nu-Goth XD
I fucking love Nu-Goth, I will make a post following this subject as soon as I'll get all the photos.
Oh, and I just want to note that none of us both got paid for this. It was just for fun ^^ 
Though looking at myself so fucking serious and sexy in this picture really tingles my fingers to open a Model Mayhem account. Being a model was my dream since 6th grade, when I found out I have no brains for almost anything but art [and music] so I was happy I at least had the body [and sometimes the face] for making pretty pictures! *forever alone*

Just kidding. Not everything is that serious.
But And Also The Trees and god damn serious:

I am in love with this band. Will write a post about them as well!!

Stay tuned for more photos!

+ Nebel Violet +

8 September 2012

Spooky Bats At Night

What a nice Friday it was. After convincing some friends that they should hang out with us and drink beer at our favorite pub, this Friday turned out to be better as expected.
Boris was supposed to DJ again at another Dubstep Metal + Dark 80's event [insert heart pain here] but at the very last moment the owner of the place told him he wouldn't pay him because he is only a beginner DJ and that's the concept... Boris opposed the "Punk Way" saying he won't play, following a serious discussion with the owner about how some people [especially in Israel] would do anything to make it the cheapest way to "support" the alternative culture. Fuck this stupid place, will go to our old Goth Club, they're nicer anyway and always have good parties.

And this is what I was wearing for yesterday's night:

 Pardon out messy apartment, we're moving soon. That's not really an excuse.
A new mesh shirt I bought since it's not anxiously hot to ware it. I can even wear my stockings at last!

An owl!

And another thing I wanted to do for a long time ago.
A silly video!!

2 September 2012

Silent Film Inspirations

It has been a while since I've been inspired by the stars of silent films. I am not familiar with many, but for long time I had the feeling that women of the 20's and 30's looked so mysterious and feminine.
I also think that there was a lot of goth to the look, if to take aside the vampire and zombie movies of that time, even the mainstream [heroin chic etc.] fashion and outlook were, in my opinion, morbid, dark and elegant.
Here's the first of my favorite actresses, Theda Bara [Theodosia Burr Goodman]. She was an american silent film actress, was known for her famme fatale roles and was one of the first sex symbols in film! I adore her for her beautiful face and big eyes, her somewhat mystical roles.
The blog's headline picture is of her as well :)


Goth? I think very.
I adore the makeup, the clothing, everything... this inspires me so much when searching for new looks.

The second actress that I love is Pola Negri [Barbara Apolonia Chalupiec]. She was a polish actress who later became famous in talking film as well.


Do you have any silent film [or talking film] inspirations? Please do share.