10 Ungoth Confessions

When I was little, my mother always told me to be myself and to not blindly follow the crowd. This little rule goes for being goth or alternative for me, as being alternative within the mainstream society is fun, but a being non-conformist within the subculture itself- is gold.

And let this be a reminder to all of us to just be ourselves!! Regardless of the stuff we like or dislike. Never let the horde decide for you!

1. Something I´ve mentioned here a couple of times: I absolutely hate The Sisters Of Mercy. I think they are overrated, boring and just silly. I´ve tried loving their music, I really did, and I can understand why people like them. But I don´t.
   
   
   
   
   
2. I am not goth at home. I don´t wear makeup at home and couldn´t care less about my appearance. Home is where I wear most colors (or rather boring colorless clothes). My home isn´t goth either; aside from a bat wall and random party posters with goth icons on them I have very little "gothic home decor". I love having colors at home, I don´t think I could live with black walls and black everything around me XD
3. Continuing the wardrobe section; I do wear almost only black, but I have a surprising amount of bright fuchsia underwear. Or just pastel colored underwear....
   
   
   
   
   
4. Perhaps my biggest confession yet: I have absolutely no problem with pop culture. I enjoy the occasional pop hits (especially from my childhood), I love Katy Perry and Shakira, am amused by Nicki Minaj and love watching all those horrific music videos. I am somehow, though unintentionally, very updated with all that crap! You are always welcome to twerk with me, too. (I hope I broke your heart with this)
5. I love watching trashy TV Series, like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl. I will usually watch them until I am fed up with the plot/ characters. I just love the way they style those beautiful girls.
6. Speaking of television material, I am a huge fan of Ru´Paul´s Drag Race. Although this reality show is less mainstream than others, (and if you don´t count Sharon Needles as goth) it still provides good stupid entertainment. I just love the show, my favorite season is Season 6, I know so many quotes even Boris knows them without watching one episode XD
   Girl, you got a shemail!
   
   
   I just had to share THE BEST lipsync battle of the 6th season!! Adore Delano is amazing!! Party!
7. I am a Buzzfeed junky. No need to further explain.
8. I adore the style of early 2000s. Back when early Christina Aguilera had her black/red hair stripes, those really weird latino booty shaking songs, Eminem who is just amazing, Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake and the list goes on and on. This is just another opportunity to tell you that I love pop music. A LOT.
   
   
   One of our favorite viral videos.
9. I love Internet Memes, I even did a post about my favorite ones! Fortunately or unfortunately, internet memes have so much meaning for me when it comes to making jokes (Boris admits it too!). I can throw sentences one after another which would have meme connotations only. Boris and I frequently watch sketches like Ray William Johnson and the Russian version, This Is Хorosho to be updated on the most bizarre viral videos (as well as Fail Army of course).
10. Finally, I cannot really call myself goth anymore! Not that it was the purpose of my life to categorize myself (disclaimer, disclaimer...), but I do listen to almost only new wave and post punk and very rarely enjoy gothic rock or other genres of gothic music. Post punk would be my favorite music genre, aside from the occasional Opeth and Agalloch.
    I love to DJ post punk and minimal wave, and I go to post punk parties only. In addition, I despise with all my heart having the need of people in the goth community to buy in commercial goth stores and I hate "mainstream German goth things", like Aggrotech parties and the German gothic magazines. My heart clings to DIY aesthetics and I would feel a lot better in a squat than in some fancy pub with skulls and coffins.

I hope you had fun with this as much as I did, and if you would like to share some of your own then amuse us all!

Have a great week everyone, and watch out for those poseurs! ;)

N. Finsternis

Eye Of Horus and DJ preparations

I recently purchased an eye of Horus necklace:

I found the cheapest one on Etsy for 4 euro total (with shipping) from this seller. There were 3 pendants in the package (forgot about that!) and came without the cord. I am very happy at the quality of the pendant, and the size didn´t disappoint either. Now I need to buy some more cords since other broken necklaces waiting to be worn.

sloppy face of the day. Roots need to be redyed but I  need to cut tips first.

 Tomorrow I am also taking part in organizing yet another The Wings Of Desire concert, which will take place in the squat, Tommy House.
TWOD are performing together with a post punk band from Amsterdam, Urbay Grey. I saw them live at the Minicave Festival in Münster earlier this month and can´t wait to see them again. They play very chill out, The Cure influenced post punk. I loved their drum machine especially, it was very groovy.

Do you like the poster I made? I used this fragment of The Horrors´ band pic.

Since the concert will be held in a squat it is appropriate to serve band food before the gig (a luxury I am happy to take advantage of on whenever Boris plays with TWOD or Totenwald). This time I have volunteered to help making the food, since I am not doing much anyway aside from DJing later that night. I had a lot of fun helping with veggie burgers before TWOD´s gig in Copenhagen, and it warms my heart to contribute this way.

This will be my second time DJing as well. I liked it so much the first time and had idea for songs ever since. It also saves Boris the hustle of arranging a DJ, and in Berlin everyone is a self proclaimed DJ....
So I set to myself a goal to play only post punk and guitar music. There is a horrible trend in Berlin for (apparently) several years now to play strictly minimal wave and unknown undancable songs, which annoys me beyond belief. So I try to bring some contemporary and old school post punk with some dark 80s hits and deathrock here and there. Let´s see if my DJ skills will improve this time, and if I´ll be brave enough to scatter the snob goths who ask for Sisters Of Mercy songs all the time :P

Have a wonderful weekend everyone, don´t forget to party!

Finsternis.

The Magic Of Mobile Phone Photography

Just thought to share some beautiful Instagram creations, since after receiving my new Samsung Galaxy 3 from my parents as a birthday present I have been taking photos of nature non stop! Especially now that Autumn is in its glory, the surroundings is breathtaking!

Boris´ parents came to visit last week and we have been hanging out with them in the city. We´ve also had a lovely trip to Potsdam which is just half a hour away from Berlin. The weather was on our side and it was sunny for the most part. Luckily they came during the first week of university when things are yet to get stressful.

Fun Fact: I used to take pictures of nature on my mobile phone before it was cool to post it online. Back when I had my Sony Ericson I loved the camera so much I used to take pictures of trees all the time and even printed out some. It was during my high school years, and made me forever cherish the power of a mobile phone camera, as the colors and editing programs sometimes surpassed my digital cam! It is also much more convenient to carry with you. I still believe that you don´t need expensive equipment to take beautiful photos.

So since receiving a killer phone I have been inspired to bring that hobby back and enjoy making small but charming photos. I am having loads of fun with Instagram, more of their filters rather than the whole sharing experience. It brings me back to being in high school and being very inspired taking pictures of everything around me. I think that loving our surroundings is a feeling we
shouldn´t lose.

 I´ve deleted a number of selfies from my Instagram and decided to make it only nature-themed because of the reason above. I dedicate a respectful amount of time (and screen) to my own face here on this blog, and since I personally love browsing nature Instagrams more than the usual "goffik face of the day" ones.

A link to my Instagram can be found in the right column. I hope you´ve all been doing well and enjoying this beautiful Autumn!

N. Finsternis

Top 10 Albums That Changed My Life

Because none of my friends on FB tagged me in this really interesting tag, I´ve decided to write a post about it here to compensate my annoyance. Besides, a lot could be said about the albums that have changed my life, so get ready for some music biography!

I am mentioning the albums which I still can listen to without feeling embarrassed or having the whole "how could I have listened to such bullshit?" feeling. Aka, the albums which still speak to me, which I can still re-discover; albums that are timeless for me.
As you might notice, the albums are placed in "order of discovering" through the years of my life. Needless to say this was quite a personal post, so I apologize in advance for being so melodramatic this time!

1. Queen / A Night At The Opera

Once in 9th grade I have been telling my mother how a classmate of mine was constantly listening to Queen. Then my mother said that we had this album on a (burned) CD. I was mesmerized from the moment I heard this album. I was playing classical music at the time and I was happy to hear influences of it. Needless to mention Freddy Mercury´s divine voice, and generally killer melodies in every song. I also love how prog. rock this album is, yet every song is very catchy and fun to sing along to. This one is good for awakening your inner drag queen, because you just can´t overhear the fabulousness. My favorite song is The Prophet´s Song.

2. The Doors / The Doors

Classic rock albums are very much linked to meeting Boris for me, as most of these bands I discovered from him. The Doors are no exception, This album brings back a lot of romantic memories, being 15 and madly (well, still) in love, listening to so much new music I had no idea existing. And that this music was automatically connected to the one person I am in love with. Listening to the Doors in the beginning of high school, Boris walking me out to the central bus station after spending the entire day at his place... this album is very positive, and I sometimes can feel myself blushing while listening to it, even after 8 years.

3. King Crimson / In The Court Of The Crimson King

I have been mentioning my progressive rock days from high school. A lot of bands I have left behind, but this one I can still enjoy. There is so much in every song that it is hard to write just a few sentences... From crazy prog rock jams, mystical hippie tunes and the fact Opeth has stolen the harmony of the song Epitaph almost completely is what I love in this album. I think that people who listen to various music genres could still enjoy this album.

4. The Cure / Three Imaginary Boys

I know that this is a far representative of The Cure. I know they have so much to offer rather than this adolescent album. But somehow the simplicity of it makes me love it each and every time. the songs are catchy, a lot more punky which is a major plus. This album is happy and sad at the same time, I like to listen to it when I am in a very good mood. One of my favorite songs is Fire In Cairo.

5. Tones On Tail / Everything!

I first discovered this band during a summer camp in Boston that I attended at the end of high school. One of the camp instructors saw my diy Einstürzende Neubauten shirt and approached me to talk about music. He then said that I would like to listen to Tones On Tail and even uploaded the album to my mp3 player. Listening to Everything! brings good and bad memories from that time, as on the one hand I was so happy to discover more post punk and to actually meet a person who knew such (for myself at the time) rare music. On the other hand that summer camp in Boston was a very melancholic experience for me, as because of the amazing environment, the creative activities we did made me realize that childhood has come to an end, and after the summer camp ended I would have to come back to Israel, wait a few months and then would be requited to the army. I felt that something inside me had died, and feel like it every time I listen to songs like Burning Skies and Real Life. Quite a nostalgic feeling this album has...

6. Opeth / My Arms Your Hearse

Yes, it was hard to pick only one Opeth album, as you probably know by now that Opeth have been my everything when it came to music. This is my favorite band, ever. I have been listening to them for 8 years now and I still have the same emotions for their early albums as I did back when I was 15. This album however stands out, since it has been my life saver at the most horrible time- my army service in Israel. When I was forced to not be myself; when I had to dress and behave unlike my self; when I was forced to do things and to communicate with people who were the complete opposite to what I have been wishing for in my life - Opeth reminded me who I was; this album reminded me of myself, of who I was deep inside. It is very hard for me to describe how I felt back then, and the low place I´ve been in. The song Madrigal still brings grim memories...

7. Agalloch / The Mantle

Another metal band which has touched me almost as much as Opeth did. The Mantle is a very spiritual album for me, as for once I can relate to the lyrics and (surprisingly) find so much personal meaning in them. I love the dark atmosphere of this album and love listening to it in Winter. Agalloch are really inspiring for me as well, and The Mantle is the kind of "think and reflect on the happenings" album for me.

8. And Also The Trees / A Retrospective 1983- 1986

I keep on listening to this album for more than 2 years. And Also The Trees are one of my favorite post punk bands, and their poetic vibe is what does it for me. Some songs inspire me to write. Almost each song in this complication is my favorite, I cam listen to them regardless of my mood. Boris also likes this album a lot and we love to discuss it sometimes, as we can still rediscover songs like Twilight´s Pool.

9. Scofferlane / Veto

Although I´ve avoided mentioning albums that have been a part of my life for less than a couple of years, I cannot hold myself from not mentioning Scofferlane. I have been listening to this album for more than 2 years, and it has been on repeat ever since we´ve moved to Berlin. Oh, how I try not to fangirl on their Facebook page! The fact that this marvelous creation has been made by people living in Russia amazes me. I am dying to see this band live, and am very close in bringing them to Berlin on my budget - just so you get the idea how I love their music! Scofferlane is Nick Cave meets psychedelic rock meets sexy post punk. You can listen to the album here on their website.

10. Утро / Семнадцатое Ноября - Utro / Seventeenth Of November

Yet another Russian (!!) post punk band. Almost 2 years with this album and everything we have been through in Berlin is connected with it. I was introduced to this band by my very good friend Marta, whom I met here in Berlin. I am very excited every time I hear this album. It is the feeling of something new, an adventurous mystery that fills me whenever I hear the song Ritual. Even my friend sort of joke about me whenever it comes to listening to Utro, as I am that of a hardcore fan.

This post is a nice example of how little of gothic music I listen to! And this post took "only" a couple of days to write.

As this is also a tag, you are also welcome to write about the albums, songs or bands that have changed your life! I know I am going to continue this with "Top 10 Songs That Changed My Life" post.

N. Finsternis

How we went to Uzbekistan

A lot can be said on Uzbekistan as a preface to this post. Some of you may have read the Where The Hell Do I Come From post where I´ve mentioned me being born in this country, but my family being mostly Russian/ Ukranian (only my grandfather is Uzbek); me being raised in Israel with occasional trips to visit the family in Tashkent, the capital of Uzbekistan.

During our 10 days stay with my family we´ve managed to:

• Celebrate my grandfather´s 75 birthday with a bunch of uzbek relatives.
• Eat more than we ate in our entire life
• Having digestion problems as a result
• Visiting Samarkand and its old city, Registan (we´ve stayed in Tashkent where my family lives).
• Going to markets and even visiting a church.

Tashkent´s television tower in the background.

I have been visiting my family in Tashkent every 3-4 years. Before last time was in 2008, last time in 2012 (I came more gothier than ever and attracted unwanted attention on the street). This year was the first time I came together with Boris. I was eager to introduce him to my family already and knew he would be fascinated to "go back in time" to Uzbekistan, as the culture and way of life there are so different than in the western world.

Before I go on with my story, here are a few facts to know about Uzbekistan so you would have a picture in mind of the environment:

• Uzbekistan is a post soviet union country, which means that after SU broke up the country began to be more and more nationalized and less "Russia oriented". People still speak Russian in every establishment and some in their family (as my entire family does), there are Russian schools and signs in Russian on the street.
• Uzbekistan is a Muslim country, though the current government forbids radical Islam (the good and bad kind). This is because the government has more interest in showing itself as the one having power instead of religion playing that role. There are no Muslim symbols on the streets, the women do not cover their heads and the people dress normally. Uzbekistan is not an Arabic country, it´s Central Asian.
• The mentality of the people is of course different, and would not suit the common feminist/ liberal activist. The traditional roles of man and woman are being kept, being married and having children is everything in life and dare you not stray from that path.
  Needless to say it was important to introduce Boris as my husband (which technically he is). If we weren´t married my uzbek relatives would probably think I am a whore. The whole tendency towards sexism and homophobia made it really hard for me, as living for a while in an environment as Berlin made me become very sensitive to those matters. Boris felt the same.
• The government in Uzbekistan is fucked up, and basically can be described as totalitarian. People must wear uniform to school and college, some streets are simply blocked for cars and pedestrians because of some government worker living there; all people sort of look the same. And I hope you´re sitting for this one: rap and rock music are forbidden in Uzbekistan by law. Yes. My nephew (16 yrs old) who loves rap music even went to some underground rap battles.

The best part was of course to spend time with my family. Grandparents were lovely and we enjoyed time at their house where they have a yard with chickens. My uncle and his wife were the best, talking with them was a lot of fun, especially with my aunt, who is ukranian and feels like a stranger in Uzbekistan sometimes as well. It was fun to talk with her about how bizarre that country really is.

My grandfather wearing some traditional attire for the sake of the photo (too hot to wear outside lol). This was taken before we went to a restaurant to celebrate his 75 birthday.
Who is standing to the right of me? My "little" brother, now 15 and he´s fucking huge!!! I haven´t seen him for almost 2 years (parents didn´t come to visit me in Berlin boohoo) and was astonished at how big he´s become (he also hasn´t seen me with blonde hair before). We had a lot of fun talking for hours together. I was happy to "get to know him" again, since he was just a kid last time I saw him and we couldn´t really have a descent conversation. He told me about his girlfriend and about a ton of friend which I will never remember. I am happy he´s having a good teenage social life. 

From left to right: my father, my mother, Boris, me, my grandpa and grandma, my Aunt. Back row: my nephew, my uncle and my brother (the tall people lol).

Here are some pics from the 1 day trip to Samarkand. Basically if tourists come to visit Uzbekistan this (and Buchara) is where they go. Tashkent doesn´t really have anything historical to offer.

• The national food consists of almost only meet, especially lamb, the fattier the better. It was hard, and I don´t think I can ever eat meat ever again... The best dish is probably Plov- a huge bowl of yellow rice cooked with pieces of meat, raisins and yellow carrots. My mother always makes it at home since I can remember myself. 
• Uzbeks drink tea, lots of it, mostly black. Boris was in heaven when it came to tea.

I covered my head not because I had to, but because of the blazing sun. It just happened that the only scarf I brought was arabic themed. Talk about making stupid tourist mistakes.

The weirdest part was the strange feeling inside of being not belonged. Not that I wanted to feel belonged, not that I actually could, but it seems that with the passing years the culture of Uzbekistan feels more distant to me, especially when my view on life and its values is the opposite of traditional. There was one horrific moment at my grandfather´s birthday, where we all sat at a very long table with a dozen relatives eating and drinking, everyone raising a toast at his turn, everyone happy. It was then when I realized in horror what it would have been like if I was gay, and how I would have never ever been accepted by my family (maybe by my aunt, she is a lot different from them). This was when I understood how different I am, logically so because I wasn´t even raised in a Russian country, but in Israel. My mother legitimates this all the time, saying that she herself, even spending most of her life in Uzbekistan, now feels like coming to a distant place after living for 16 years in Israel.

This however didn´t affect me much. The trip was amazing and I am happy we made it with Boris together. I have a ton of stuff brought with me, so I am hoping to have a haul here and maybe write some more about my family´s culture, which by this point you can tell is pretty mixed ;)

I apologize for the long post and thank you all who actually read it!

N. Finsternis

Night of the birthday look @ Minicave festival

On the 5th of October I had my 23rd birthday. I was "on the road" with The Wings Of Desire as they played a part in the Minicave festival which took place on the 4th of October in Münster.

The festival had 4 bands this time (with Metro Cult´s unfortunate cancel :( ): Urban Grey who came from Amsterdam (and will play with TWOD later this month in Berlin!), Monowelt who happen to be 2 of our best friends and Elvira & The Bats from France.
So I had the pleasure of performing, enjoying some great concerts and having a ton of food and alcohol back stage- and all this for free! Needless to say that this was quite a birthday celebration and I was so happy to have my best friends with me!
Boris and I had a blast with the little gothic pogo that was going on during Elvira´s show (she was the main act). I´ve never been to a gothic pogo before, it was quite amusing, though stirred the champagne in my belly XD

Here are my looks for my birthday night. I´ve deathrockened myself up for my performance with TWOD as well:

I wanted to backcomb my hair again but because it´s so long I braided the lower half. It actually comes out quite nicely, I think of doing it like this more often, since long hair is hard to backcomb. I am thinking of maybe having the upper layer cut a bit to have that mullet-backcomb-potential.

My "face of agony" is the best facial expression for selfies.

I wore my nude-deathrock outfit again because I wanted to be comfy while dancing. This is probably my favorite goth outfit, I always come back to it and am very pleased of its gothyness lol.

Here are a few shots of The Wings Of Desire´s performance, provided by DJ Cyberpagan at
Death-Rock.de:

Source

Source

We had a great time performing and kind of tired of traveling excessively, but it´s so rewarding and feels great! Have a great October time everyone!

N. Finsternis

Some Wear Leather Some Wear Lace book haul!

I´m back from Uzbekistan!! Before I get the big fat rar file from my dad with all the photos I´ve wanted to blog about the Some Wear Leather Some Wear Lace book which I´ve purchased a few hours before going on the flight!
I wanted to go to the Berlin release party so badly, but since our flight was early in the morning I arranged with Andi to pick up the book at the venue and then go. From what I could tell the party should have been promising, since aside the book copies they were offering cds and other subculture related books, printed photos and cookies. The band Liste Noir was the live act, so I kind of wished I was there, though my main goal has been the book, which is an early birthday present from Boris.

I found the book really wonderful and magical; a lovely commemoration of the gothic subculture as it originally was in the 80s, and probably would never ever be the same. I felt that the variety of pictures provided in the Post Punk Project´s Tumblr could have been different than selected for the book, but that´s maybe because it´s so difficult to sort out the best of the best of so many unique images.

On the one hand I felt like wanting to live in the world of these people. the clubs, the concerts and the styles which gave no boundaries to the imagination, especially gender-wise. Yet on the other hand I felt a bit sad asking myself where all those people might be today, how do they look like now, what kind of lives to they lead.
I was then up for a surprise on page 117, in the section dedicated to the German Grufties (which I´ve liked the most).
The picture in the middle of the bottom line was provided by me!! I´ve credited the name of the person of course and it is written in the book as well (with a mistake lol).

There is a lot of space in the book dedicated to history, which I found very important considering the difference in the subculture in every country. There was even a page written about the scene in the Soviet countries, and then it hit me that I could have actually helped the book makers with this, since there were only 2 bands mentioned which had little to do with goth. The thought about mentioning other bands and info and maybe helping to contribute a bit more hasn´t left me, but ah well, next time ;)

I recommend purchasing the book, it is as good as they say. I think that making such a project is a huge contribution to the subculture and is a respectful thing to do. I am happy I am an owner of a copy, it makes me want to collect a ton of books about the scene to have that little piece of history near me.

Updates and photos on Uzbekistan including a haul will come soon! Now it´s back to reality and to university for me, my 3rd Semester starts in 2 weeks, and it feels kind of strange just to think about it.

N. Finsternis