Updates & Thoughts - Space Cakes in Amsterdam & Blog Changes

I haven't been here in a while. Thought I should update you guys on recent events, as well as a few thoughts regarding this blog. I know, again. Stop me if you've heard this one before...

1. I've been working, a ton. My student visa allows me to work 20 hours/week max, but during semester vacation I am allowed to work full time - an opportunity that was even encouraged by my boss. I say even since my work is very chill and flexible. I love my job - I sit in front of an Excel table all day doing copy-past work, with super nice colleagues, my headphones plugged into the computer with The Smiths on YouTube on repeat and a coffee machine that makes milk foam. I love my job. I can also pretty much come and go when I please, as long as I make the mandatory 20h mark. I fucking love my job and I have been making some nice money.
Going out on the weekend has never felt so satisfying. There's just something about working and getting paid and partying on the weekend with no worries; with the fact that you have a nice place to come back to on Monday and that you can respectfully work in a foreign language - a situation that 3 years ago seemed overwhelming.
Don't worry, I haven't gone crazy - I'm not a huge fan of the 9-5, but finding a chill job was my goal since Autumn last year and since January this year it has finally happened.
I'm just in a really good and comfortable place right now and I am grateful for it.


2. I have been to Amsterdam last weekend. I have been to the city last Autumn and it was ok, I didn't fall in love with it or anything. This trip was far better, we did a bunch of things and I've grown to connect with the city a lot more.

My mother turned 50 in March and arranged a few days' trip for herself, my dad and another couple from the family who they're good friends with. One thing let to another and my mom suggested me to join in as well, Amsterdam being in arm's reach from Berlin. I was so excited for the trip that I accidentally booked the ticket 1 day too early. So I got to spend 1 night at a friend's place and hang out, which was cool.
This, however, is just the tip of the iceberg of the trip, since:

1. We had space cakes with my entire family (and my under aged brother, god help us all) and it was dope. I am so proud of myself that whilst being incredibly high, I managed to guide my family through the impossible crowds of the city center back to our Air Bnb at night. Using Google Maps, obviously. And I didn't get lost once! I still can't believe I took drugs with my family. 
2. My brother went on a date with a bartender who casually gave him her number after he asked!! It turned out she was 24 (my bro is 17) and had a kid and a boyfriend. God help us all #2. One thing for sure though - my brother's a savage!
3. My family stayed in Amsterdam for 3 more days after I left, and the day before the flight back they have decided to visit a coffee shop one last time (my brother wasn't there). After smoking for a while they got up to leave, which resulted in my dad fainting right there in the middle of the coffee shop. The workers helped him up and sat him outside, and made him drink sweet water. Turns out this can happen due to low blood sugar? Who knows, but it was enough for my father to get completely terrified and swear he will never smoke ever again. My mom was horrified too. God help us all #3.

There were beautiful buildings and clogs too, but that's not nearly as interesting.

The next story, however, is the heaviest bomb of them all and I still can't believe this has happened. Let's just say the Amsterdam adventure isn't over:

As mentioned, it was my mother's birthday and we all gave her presents, including a very expensive and fancy diamond ring which my dad gave her. After my parents got home my mom wrote me that SHE HAS FORGOTTEN THE RING AT THE AIR BNB.

Of all rings my mom could forget, it had to be this one. Before leaving and in the commotion of packing, my mom washed the dishes and took the ring off and left it by the sink, where it remained until the nice Air Bnb lady informed my mom what has happened. My mother only realized this at the security check at the airport, where you have to take all the metals off. Thinking that she should take off the ring since it would surely beep at the monitors, my mother was mortified to discover it wasn't on her hand. My poor mom cried and was completely in shock.

And since shipping something so valuable via post is way too risky, it's only logical for me to come back to Amsterdam and retrieve the ring.

Yesterday I have booked a flight which will take place in 2 weeks. The trip will literally take me less than a day (1.5 from Berlin to Amsterdam). My mom will have her precious ring back in May when we will be going to Israel.

Needless to say, this trip will be remembered in the family forever!!

3. On for something a bit more conventional. I have been looking to join a band as a singer. After a few unsuccessful attempts of looking for a band as a bassist, I have given the matter a lot of though and realized that not giving myself the chance to front a band will be something I will regret forever. And it will be painful when I do.

So currently I am looking for a band or people. I want to sing everything dark, post punk-ish, grungy and wild. The louder and darker the better. Keep your fingers crossed for me, since finding people for a band in Berlin is one of those "big city problems" they don't tell you about. You would think that of all places, here it would be the easiest. Well, let me tell you....

4. Lastly, I wanted to address my thoughts regarding blogging. I know that I wrote on the changing media of blogging and self expression in December -  a recurring thought in the "classic" blogging community. I thought about how there are less people writing blogs these days and how many transform to youtubers or use Instagram to "show and tell" their outfits, makeup etc.

The truth is, this is exactly the kind of change I am experiencing myself. I am using my phone non stop - snapping pictures of my makeup, hair and outfits and uploading them to Instagram has been one of my favorite things to do. It's fast and easy. The only problem being that this kind of medium focuses more on the "show" than the "tell". And I love expressing myself with writing and having the option to discuss things with you guys in the comments.

So after some thought I've decided that I would like to make this blog a more personal space - a medium where I can write about my thoughts, feelings, my fears and emotions.... it's the very "classic" type of blogging that I have been missing; where pictures don't play a huge role, Or when they do - they're scarce.

I want to share personal things, to be more reflective of myself and think more, discuss and question. I guess Instagram is just fitting for overload vanity and attention - a thing I can never have too little of.

Yet expressing yourself with words has always been the very core of blogging for me, and I have the feeling I've been avoiding that for the sake of entertaining content or what not.

I realize that reading huge blocks of text is sooo 2009, where the write would complain about their day and write angsty posts about self doubt and the meaning of their bullshit life. But this is perhaps the essence of blogging for me. Guess I'm still a 17 year old deep down hehe.

So I guess you can expect some changes happening here... maybe the layout looking a bit different, maybe some introspective posts coming along. I will still write about the things I love, which are my favorite bands, my past and where I come from and my adventures in Europe. But maybe with a more personal twist.

My Instagram will be there for my face, my poses and clothes and my uber trad goth aspirations. I apologize if some of you are not on Instagram and won't be able to follow me there. I will probably post a picture from time to time here as well. Who knows, maybe Instagram will grow irrelevant in a few years. You never know!

What do you think? Anything on your mind regarding blogging lately? Are you planing on traveling this year?

I'll be going to Copenhagen in 2 weeks btw. Can't wait!

Maria

Blast From the Past - Rediscovering My Old Youtube Channel

When I made my (first) Youtube channel I had one intention in mind - to illegally upload rare music that wasn't uploaded to Youtube before. I've used the website to discover new music (and still do), so I was very disappointed to not be able to find certain songs by my favorite artists. This needed to be changed.

At certain point Youtube changed it's policy and tied all the accounts to Google, which made me start using my current account and forget about the old one. But still the old one lives with thousands of views on the different songs I've uploaded, comments from all over the world and people thanking me for sharing the music. Even friends posting an occasional song here and there on Facebook, probably unaware that it was me who uploaded it ;)
I wouldn't upload any piece of music by any artist without their consent nowadays, but looking back and my most favorite music from when I was 17-20 makes me nostalgic and happy to have encapsulated this small fragment of my personality online.
If you haven't noticed, documenting myself is one of my favorite things to do.

So aside from a few embarrassing high school boredom moments, I've started the channel by sharing my fascination with Peter Hammil's music by uploading 2 of his songs from his "mid life crisis" album, Over. This number is in my opinion one of his best songs:

Uploaded in 2008, back when making a song-Youtube video involved making titles and credits....
Seriously though, this song is haunting! If you're planning on geting devorced, buried in a suit or committing suicide in the process, this one's for you.

Things got real when Boris and I discovered The Birthday Party, which made me want to upload some songs that have never seen the light of Youtube, like Zoo Music Girl and Ho-Ho. The latter was a more favorite song, but not having them online felt like a miss. I tried uploading Mutiy In Heaven, one of my favorite songs, but it always got put down due to copyright. And as an aspiring 17 year old longing to share this geniussness of post punk with the world, I felt very betrayed...

There were a few other numbers in between, like a part of Einstürzende Neubauten's song from their movie Halber Mensch (with a very wrong german-title attempt), which I've idolized at the time, and some songs by Russian & Ukranian musicians like Kolibri and Fleur.

Discovering Cinema Strange was totally a thing, and I began uploading a few missing songs. I was getting to know all these goth bands, it felt so great! I can still feel my excitement through these silly uploads; wanting to know more about the band, wanting to grasp every aspect of it!

One of my favorite Cinema Strage songs is actually a small instrumental from their Quatorze Examples album. Very eerie and atmospheric, not so over-the-top as they're otherwise are. I bet not many people know this song to begin with!

Do you know why I liked this so much? It reminded me of Opeth's accoustic pieces. The "Maria seal of approval".

Are you ready for the next atomic bomb of this blast from the past?! I'm not sure you are, because aside from me writing about it here and there, I have never actually shared any visual evidence of my army service.

This is perhaps one of the most "Israeli things" you can get. Soldier girls dancing in their uniform like it's no big deal. For most of you, the fact that we are actually soldier girls is already pretty unheard of. But it's Israel, baby, and as a very none-rebellious, obedient teenager - I was hoarded into the army system just like the rest of them.

Just a quick note here - the army was the worst time in my life, and instead of serving the normal 2 years for girls (!!!) I have been there 9 months before I said "fuck it", went to the army psychologist and bailed out on lying about mental problems, suicide and depression. Except that I wasn't lying. I was in a place/system where I hated everyone and everything, didn't believe in its common goal and felt like all my potential, my very true being and my determination in life has been taken away for something that served the most ridiculous purpose. Sure, I am smiling in that video, because I can adapt very well and was never one to sit in a corner and mop. But soon enough, every little sell in me would rage in despair, for I would want a different life, a different choice with a completely different goal in mind.

Since going to the army is so embedded in the Israeli politics/culture/etc, NOT doing it is still considered a huge no-go. You get judged, you are told it's a bad decision for your "future". And it's all bullshit.

And after 9 horrific months, 6 of which were spent without Boris since we broke up, things have changed. Gloriously. I have never rebelled at the age of 14, 15 or 17. I rebelled at 19.

My army experience definitely deserves a post of its own. Or few...

But for the time being, we were dancing the stupid polka song because we were waiting half an hour to get the permission to go home for the weekend. And it was fun!

I am first from the left.
I spent only the first 3 weeks in a classic military camp through my basic training period. After that my service looked nothing like it, I went home every day after teaching a class at grade school. Many soldiers have it way worse in the Israeli army; people stay for months in the base; people actually fight and see their comrades getting killed. My service and "struggles" are considerably humble in comparison, but hey, it's my life and my own perspective on it...

Things began to get even gothier on my channel when I started posting some Corpus Delicti. I was somewhere around 20. I still love listening to that band no matter how cheesy they are.

There were other bands like Neva that I uploaded, which at the time I though I was the only person in Israel even being aware of this band. What growing up in the periphery of the world does to your feeling of self importance :)

Another notable mention from my channel would have to be Boris' post punk band from that time, Vivid Noir. They had a few gigs and even recorded an EP, but unfortunately broke up shortly after. Some recorded songs can still be found on youtube, uploaded by their synth player.

I looked up to every one of them. I glanced at their singer in awe for being so badass. I was definitely the biased groupie, no less. I was excited something like this has even happened in a relatively "sceneless" country like Israel, at least when you talk post punk...

Luckily, things have changed a bit since 2011 and there are new bands on the rise. Those were fun times though...

I have continued to document other shit on my current channel. All those old videos of me awkwardly talking to the camera... Since I enjoy browsing my previous channel so much, I know I will never delete them :)

Maria

90s Grunge Goth Inspiration - Betsey Johnson Autumn Winter 1997/8

I was browsing Pinterest the other day for some 90s goth style inspirations and stumbled across the following number. Spring is just around the corner here in Berlin and I feel like it's time to wear thinner stockings and shorter sleeves.

I have generally been in a very romantic goth style phase - I wear lots of long black skirts and tight black long sleeved shirts with lots of jewelry. It's a very comfy style to wear and leaves room for thick thermo leggings and winter socks. Yet those go to the back of the close now and I want to pretty much wear the same thing but with tank tops.

All images found on firstVIEW.

Autumn Winter 1997

Betsey Johnson has always been off the wall. She's kind of like the American Vivienne Westwood, only tackier... 

I love how the above are so street wear. It really brings you back to the classic 90s goth look. Very medieval inspired, long silhouettes, straight hair, HUGE crosses...

Makeup wise, I have been rocking this for over a year now.

If a goth would wear it, it's not exactly reinventing the wheel, but when I think about it, you don't see goths dressing this way today either. Maybe you have this in a grungier version, or throw a shrug over it and you would have "witch goth". Either way, we need to fucking bring these shoes back!

Those glasses though!

There were a few more "trad" looks found on Johnson's Winter 1998 collection. Suddenly there's big hair! What happened? It also looks very Kinderwhore, appropriate to it's time.
Check out that white dress look! We need to sport white goth outfits more often! Aside from a huge white button up shirt, I never did!

I have found the 1997 runaway on youtube. Shitty quality and it's uploaded in 4 parts, but part nr. 2 (below) is where it's at, and where the looks from the beginning of the post are taken:

I loved the entire show!

Would you rock this look or is it dated/ cheesy? Is this "very 90s NYC?"

What are your recent style inspirations?

Time to blast off some Mephisto Waltz and pretend I can stand 90s gothic rock :)

Maria

Teased Orange Hair: Update & Inspo

I know what this blog hasn't seen in a while - hair and makeup looks! Since I got a new phone for the holidays I've been documenting my face a lot more. My old phone's camera was gone, plus the phone was really old and slow, so using it for other than making calls was impossible.

from a while ago, going out. I need to overdraw my lips more!

We all look at inspirations for our style, and even though I do no do it too often, I love looking at picture of 80s goths for some hair goals. I know a lot of people pull off the look a lot better than I do, it's just an interpretation after all.

But I like looking at pictures of people with orange hair especially, since most goths have black hair.

 Found on Now This Is Gothic

Source
This is my favorite "warm toned" teased hair of them all. I love the length, I am aiming for it!

By now I have pretty much settled on a hair coloring routine. I wanted to make a post about how I color my hair but ended up not having the time to take pictures during dyes. Yes, dyes - it's a 2 step process, as I need to lift my natural brown hair to a brighter color. I've been orange for a year now and my hair feels amazing, so I will stick to the same routine for now. For a change, I do not have plans to change my hair color. This hair simply rocks.

From last night

Teasing long hair is more challenging than teasing your hair in the first place.

The Nr. 1 rule for teasing long hair is - hair products! Your teased hair is like a building, you need to build a solid foundation before going higher.

So before I hit the comb I apply mousse to my entire hair.

1. Wet hair in sections
2. Apply mousse in sections
3. Blow dry hair upside down
4. Start teasing with hairspray, again in sections.

These are the products I use:

  Source                           &                          Source  

The Taft mousse really does the trick, and the Got2B is a big hair staple by now for goths and punks alike. These products are unfortunately not cruelty free.

There is also an option to use teasing powder, but I haven't tried it yet since the above combo works. Does anyone have any experience with it? What would you recommend?

Having your hair cut in layers is also a huge help. I do want to have long hair, and I will probably only cut the most top layer frequently for that Patricia Morrison look.

I also don't straighten my hair (anymore). My hair is wavy which makes for a nice teased texture. I am damaging my hair enough already.

Then there's the biggest teasing trick of all - the brush. Some people use a thin comb, some use a special teasing comb. However, for my thick heavy long hair I use a round brush:

Source

This is a trick my friend showed me, and I would have never thought about it myself! This is not exactly good for your hair, but when is teasing anyway? This brush helps picking up big sections, and with your solid foundation on your really don't need to stand half an hour in front of the mirror ripping your hair out.

With a solid foundation and the right tool, your hair will last the night. I sometimes re-tease it during the night with the same brush. Take a backpack lol! There's also a mini version of the brush available in most stores.

It's funny how my hair color looks different depending on the lighting. I have to edit the saturation of my pictures to really make the red shine through the phone camera. Funny enough, all selfies in this post show my true hair color, it just depends with which lighting you look at it, hehe.

I have dyed my roots since then as can be seen in the previous picture

Here's a post-teasing aftermath. You can tease your hair, but can you bring it back to normal?

Personally, I sleep with my teased hair and detangle it the day after. The hairspray loses it's hold so it's easier.

Needless to say you need to section your hair and slowly comb through it without pulling. I use my regular brush, which is also a detangling brush. 

Some people prefer to soak their hair in conditioner and comb it when it's wet. That make sense, but I prefer the dry option. How do you do it?

Hope you liked this little hair update. Do you have any hair tricks/goals?

Wish everyone a wonderful weekend!

Maria

Bohemian Home Decor Goals

2 years ago I wrote this post about my dream home looking like a bohemian gypsy palace. I haven't done much for achieving this, partially because living in a dorm lowers your expectations when it comes to interior design: existing furniture cannot be moved, there's little space and any other long term interior changes are too much of a hassle.

Yet we've been living in our dorm for 2,5 years, and with time some bohemian elements did appear - more tapestries, more posters and some indian patterned sheets (thank you Primark!).

Then I had this idea the other day - fake ivy on the wall! It will surely freshen up the space, and add something exotic and bohemian-like atmosphere for sure. I ordered 3 fake ivy strands online and used tape to stick them on.

It looks beautiful in the bedroom, which is already very close to "home goals" status:

I found this dope ass mandala tapestry at Camden. I have been eyeing this one for ages on Ebay, but it was actually 10 euros cheaper in Camden! Of all places! This is my favorite part of the apartment so far. I just love this tapestry, it calms you down and sucks you in. We usually sit on the bed in the evening watching series on a laptop, and with the string lights on, the room turns into magic!

I took the picture during the day though, since I have very poor lighting...

Some details of the ivy. It's amazing quality, very light and is easily arranged. It survived shipping with difficulty though, as the leaves are so fragile some of them came off of the strand. I had to gently tape the ones that fell off with tape, but generally I am very pleased with the quality.

Fake flowers are usually saved for old ladies' apartments, yet this ivy looks great. The picture really doesn't do it justice though...

The 3rd strand went up the bathroom wall:

My biggest bathroom decor vision is to make it graveyard themed, with a bunch of little angel statues and white candles everywhere. However candles are great if you have a bath, and we have a shower. The ivy works great with the wall either way, nothing like a jungle/forest themed bathroom (maybe one day?).

I realize this is not the epitome of home decor and not the best pictures, but this is what I can do with our dorm apartment for now. I dream of second hand furniture, exotic pillows and rugs, candle holders everywhere and a huge book library. And colors - lots of crazy colors.

Yet the ivy has made me so happy. It makes the bed and bathroom look instantly more interesting. Have you ever seen ivy on someone's walls? I don' think so.

I have started a Pinterest Board for some inspiration. My next goal will be to bring lots of pillows to the bed, and to make a proper sitting space in the living room (see previous home decor post), which will probably still be on the floor.

Slowly but surely I will achieve the perfect bohemian goth space!

What kind of decoration do you like? Got some bohemian decor ideas or advices?

Maria

Blast From the Past: 2006 vs 2016

Everyone has been doing these #2006vs2016 posts on Instagram. Is the internet largely dominated by 20-somethings, so that comparing the last 10 years became such a thing? Maybe people are excited about how their physical appearance has changed as well. If you take puberty into account, then it certainly changes many things.

January 2006. This is one of my favorite pictures of myself.

2006 has been a key year for me. I was 15 (turned 16 in October) and so many things happened in my life back then:

1. I started my first blog in the infamous israeli blogging site, Israblog. I am forever grateful for myself for starting that blog. It is a curious time capsule of me as a perky yet angsty teen. I wrote many stuff reminiscing on 2006 back in December of that year. I love coming back to that post.

2. I finished middle school and started high school. Both in music major, and both schools being the most amazing educational experience in my life.

3. Israel had a war with Lebanon in the summer of that year, which made us run to shelter a few times per day. This lasted only 1 day though before my parents packed their bags, my brother and me and moved to our relatives in south of Israel where things were quiet. We basically spent our summer in the warm desert bathing in the pool. It was "the best war ever".

4. I was introduced to Opeth's music. In high school I met a few metalheads who introduced me to bands I wasn't aware of before. Enjoying some nu metal music and visual kei in 9th grade, 10th grade started with a mixed CD burned for me by a classmate featuring Opeth, Epica and a few more.

5. I met Boris. And the rest is history ;)

September 2006. I bought my first ankh and was wearing it all the time.

The picture above: I got my hair dyed purple (had it pink during the summer). I was completely oblivious about the various grooming habits. I didn't do my eyebrows or makeup, sometimes my nails but that was already a stretch. I believed makeup didn't suit me. I was tanned because it's normal in Israel. I had a good idea what clothes I wanted to wear but no clue how to style myself.

In general, I was a kid. I wasn't trying to act "mature", I was pretty goofy, loud and cheerful. Everything excited me and when I fell in love with Boris - the world changed.

I like how your appearance changes with time, but I mostly like how my thinking changes. Some of that happy, hyped fangirling Maria is still left in me. Some things grew stronger, some new things came. I am so grateful for being able to change. I wouldn't imagine staying the same thing all the time. I was eager for change back then, and I always am.
This is why I like Opeth so much - apart from enjoying the music, they have been with me in that very eventful year, my love for them hasn't changed one bit despite so many other things moving forward. They remind me that the person from 2006 is still there.
Needless to say Boris reminds me of that too in every aspect possible.

Picture by Emilie Arfeuil for her project on changes in appearance. Boris and I took part in the project for a few years now, check it out: Official Website.

2016 has not been so horrible for me. Sure, it was a lousy year globally, but personally this year has been exhausting and unsatisfying, yet not completely bad.
I had plans that did not happen, my orthopedic problems continued and it really brought me down. There are some career goals I had planned for Autumn that flopped as well and I am still jobless which is a huge problem. On the other hand, I've been to 5 different countries this year, a new record! I played in a band and realized which music I really want to make.
So all in all things weren't that bad. I can safely say that my worst year has been 2010 so far, but that is a story for another post.
I am looking forward to the next year. I want to achieve some things for myself in many directions. Fingers crossed.

Picture by Emilie Arfeuil

Maria

Video Post: I do the Accent Tag!

Told you I had a video planned. Now you can hear me talk! Are you scared for the writing charm of my blog persona to be broken? I know I am...


But this is something I could never describe in words, and for a change here's a video idea that I actually wanted to make for a very, very long time.

Despite making 2 takes of this I really tried to make the video as authentic as possible and filmed right after I came back home from uni, it was really spontaneous, I actually wanted to film on saturday. Thus I still have my everyday makeup, clothes and hair on. No uber gothiness for the camera, just some lipstick reapplied.



So enjoy this low-fi Windows Movie Maker video attempt. I wish my laptop could run legitimate video editing programs, but hell no...

What do you think? Do you have an accent? Do you have any suggestions for future videos, for the next time I'll have the apartment to myself with 4 hours for filming and editing to spare?

Maria

Breaking in Dr. Martens - the HARD way

It's time for me to make the post I thought I'd never make. As we all know, Dr Martens are the coolest shoes, also known for being one of the shoes hardest to break in, especially for people who usually buy cheap shoes, like me.

The reason I bought Docs in the first place is as follows: I've been having some orthopedic problems for a while this year, which ended up in me having to get a pair of orthopedic soles. And if you've ever had orthopedic soles or having to wear some now, you know that the only possible way of wearing them is to wear shoes at least one size bigger than what you usually wear.
And so I had to face the fact that aside from a pair of falling apart sneakers, literally none of my shoes was fitting the soles. Not even my winter shoes, which I thought were initially wider/longer.

It was already the beginning of Autumn and I realized I had no proper winter shoes (and no proper shoes in general). And since I have to wear my soles at all times anyway and having some money put aside - I've decided it was the perfect time to invest in some proper shoes that, with the price taken into account, will last me a long time and will fit my soles.

So with that being said, I am a size 38/39, and bought my Docs a size 40, which fit perfectly with the soles in.

Trying out Docs in the store and actually wearing them for the first time are 2 completely different things. This was my first pair of Docs ever, and I braced myself for what was to come.

I looked up some "how-to"s on how to make the breaking in process easier, and decided to refrain from hitting them with a hammer of filling them with wet newspapers (as some tutorials suggest).

Instead I thought the most reliable method was to actually wear them, little by little; to suck up the pain and just let the damn shoe get adjusted to my foot.

This was indeed the HARD way, but how are you going to break in shoes by not wearing them?!

Breaking in shoes is an individual process, so listen to your feet when you're doing it and see which places scream "help me" more than others!

In my case, the first to "scream" were the backs of my heels, especially the lower part. The hardest part of a boot is the back part and the bridge just before your toes start, so it's not surprising. My heels were the only part that had trouble, my pinkie toes usually suffers as well, but with Docs it was not the case! I was impressed...

1. Stack up on plasters/ band-aids

I never though the world of plasters was so diverse up until I had to search for some quality ones. The only plasters you will be buying are gel-plasters, the ones that create a gel barrier between your skin and the shoe. I bought these 2 kinds:

The one on the right is a plaster for high heels, which I've also used, as they are especially made for the back of your heel. And yes, there were times where I wore both kinds on top of each other.

I also had some "normal" plasters for milder calluses, but specifically waterproof ones, since they stay on the foot better and you can leave them on the skin for a longer while. Do yourself a favor and don't buy the classic brown with dots plaster, they sit poorly on the skin and are pretty much the worst plaster ever, might as well use them for the sake of "look at me I have a cut and I covered it up" scenes in tv shows...

2. Wear them for a little at a time

Going to town for errands ? Probably not the best idea to wear your new Docs (or any new shoe, for that matter). I read that you should wear them inside the house at first, and that's what I did. It was all nice and dandy when I just sat at home in front of my computer, but just a short trip down the stairs was a completely different story. We live in a student dorm campus and have a basement for laundry in a different building, makes for a 1 minute walk. So I took my Docs for a walk every time I had to do the laundry, and let me tell you it was hell compared to just sitting with them at home. Every slight various movement of your feet will alter your shoe tremendously, so go out for short trips: take out the trash, check the mail, etc... (I don't drive so I don't know how it is to drive with your new Docs).

The first actual walk with the shoes was terrible, not because of the back of my heels - that part was plastered safely, but because of the front lacing: simply lacing them up felt a bit uncomfortable at first, but that goes away quickly compared to what my heel had to endure. 

Also, different movements of your feet will bring different pain sensations: just when I thought the back of my heels were getting better, I attended a concert with the shoes and while rocking to the music back and forth, experienced a different irritable sensation in the front where the lacing ends.

I pretty much wore them only with plasters for the first 2 weeks. There was no going around it - my skin was very irritated and the gel plasters helped to make it heal. If that sounds gruesome then you should also...

3. Have soft backup shoes

As mentioned before, the only shoes that fit my new soles were old sneakers, which I comforted myself in every time the back of my heels started to look grim (of course you can wear any other type of comfortable shoes you have in between wearing the Docs, but I literally had no other option). This gave my feet the chance to relax and the skin to get (a little bit) back to normal. After the first couple of short "breaking in" trips with the Docs I stopped wearing them for a whole week to let my feet relax.

But the fact that I had to wear either my ragged sneakers or my awesome Docs has speeded up the breaking in process, as I didn't retrieve to other stylish shoes that might have fitted better with my outfit/the weather.

4. The Socks

I think this is the most individual part of breaking the Docs in. I read that you should wear the thickest socks in the world and you will be pain free. I've tried that, but it felt horrible - thick socks usually sit quite loose on your feet, and it made my skin rub even more and the shoe feel especially tense. I also read that you should in no way wear normal stretchy socks (like the kind you can buy in every clothing store) because they will rub your feet as well.

The best solution I found was to wear stockings and 2 pairs of "normal" socks on top. The stockings provided a kind of barrier and 2 pairs of regular socks really don't make your foot that different, while still being soft enough against the shoe. Make sure to wear socks that sit tightly and don't move around.

If you feel like wearing really thick winter socks helps you more, then keep doing that.

Pictures like this have horrified me in the beginning, as in no way I could wear 1 layer of fabric underneath my boots, not to mention fishnets! But wearing socks over stockings really does the trick for me, and I still wear my boots that way.

There were time where I was desperate - my calluses were horrific an my feet were hurting, and I thought that nothing in the world could make these shoes from hell any wearable. But as I wore them more and more things got easier, and the really fit you like a glove!

Here are some final thoughts:

• Breaking in Docs will take you about a month, at least. I haven't tried other methods except for just wearing them, maybe someone out there has other tips and tricks?
• I haven't tried lacing them up differently each time, I heard it helps. But what I did notice was lacing them all the way up made them fit my feet better. I personally love to leave 2 holes unlaced at the very top when wearing boots, but that made matters worse. Even that little change of lacing the 2 holes has made all the difference for me.
• I wouldn't recommend buying second hand shoes, as every shoe fits the person and their feet (and feet are very different, so are the shoes that fit them, even if they all look the same). In my case this was essential since I needed a solid shoe to be wearing my soles with for orthopedic purposes.
• There are vegan Doc Martens out there, the ones I bought are leather. I don't know how the vegan version feels like, so sorry about that.
• This post was about the classic Doc Martens boot. I own another pair of the original 3-eye which are yet to be broken in, and the only times I've tried to wear them I've faced different challenges than with the boots, so I will wait before my boots will be completely worn in before I'll start working my way towards the 3-eyes, which look stunning! 

After all this time and pain I can say that I've managed to break in the shoes quite well. It will still be a while before they will give in completely, but it has been 2 months after purchasing them that I am plaster and double-sock free. And of course they look badass with everything I wear, no question there.

Do you wear Docs? How long has a pair lasted, and do you own multiple models?

Maria

25 Lessons I learned in 25 Years

Hello world, I turned 25 today! I am happily married, dragging my uni studies to infinity, having visa trouble in Germany, get hardly impressed by new music and already had a few orthopedic problems and a knee surgery. What a time to be alive!

So in the great tradition of Jenna Marbles's videos, here's my post of 25 lessons learned in 25 years of existence:

1. Going clothes shopping alone is the best thing ever.

2. One can learn great things from a youtube video, just like I did about the origins of emo music, back when everyone was coloring their bangs blue in 2005.

3. This is what you get when you google "Peter Hammil sad":

4. Classical music school is the best music school.

5. No matter how hard you try to be invisible, there will always be someone who will hate you and/or try to do you harm just because you're being who you are. A lesson learned in elementary school.

6. Wearing comfortable clothes can boost your body imagine more than exercise or dieting.

7. Never underestimate your mother's love, she always cares no matter what you do.

8. The most painful experiences in life make for the best creative energy. Sometimes I wished I had more of those. It's a decadent approach, I know, but it kept me going.

9. When in doubt - smile. Sliding through confusion, fear or awkwardness is never made easier with a grumpy face.

10. Padding translucent powder over gel eyeliner will make it stay forever (just when you though gel eyeliner stays on forever anyway).

11. People with flawless eyebrows should be respected.

12. Speaking various languages is the best possible thing you can do to yourself in life. 

13. Just because a person is goth/alternative looking, doesn't mean they're smart/intelligent/nice/not racist/listen to good music.

14. You can be the worst in math and still survive.

15. Almost always, no matter the genre, live music will be an interesting experience.

16. Taste in food changes over time - now I love eggplants and hate chocolate.

17. Everyone has been through some shit in life. No one gets it easier, everyone is tripping out from different things - money, family, career goals, identity. You name it. Everyone has a fight to win and it's fascinating and very fair.

18. Some people are very logical and rational, and they should be treated with understanding and love, even though they're completely crazy.

19. A shared mother language can go a long way, especially with people who you thought you had nothing in common with.

20. There will always be a little part of you that no one will ever understand. A little piece from the past, a small voice in your head, an inner dialogue. It's something no one can take away from you.

21. Know how to differ infatuation from love.

22. Never be ashamed of your hobbies, however amateur they might be.

23. When in doubt #2 - google it! Nothing boosts your self acceptance more than knowing somebody had already asked "what is the area between the anus and testicles?".

24. Wear comfortable shoes! Alternatively - don't wear cheap ass shoes, you'll make your feet happier!

25. And lastly - nobody knows you better than you know yourself.

I hope this entertained you! What lessons have you learned so far?
I will celebrate with our band's gig this friday and then with a small birthday party on saturday. Meanwhile I'll enjoy today's rainy day and eat something nice.

Maria

London 2016

Just came back from a week-trip to London. It was our first time in the city, and the trip was arranged through Boris's parents who have been there few times before and love coming back.

I liked London. Yes, it was posh, but it still felt good. I liked Oxford Street with it's endless shopping experience, I liked how people were dressed with no trend being left out (people were simply pretty); I liked Camden with it's mainstream "alternative" vibe, it was cool as hell despite the ridiculous "gothic" shops lol.

The greatest feeling was to actually be in the city where my favorite music has begun. Punk, post punk and goth have been centered in London and even though it's not 1977 anymore, there was still something in the air...
And that was how we met a guy who once had drinks with Jayne County, visited a second hand shop held by the guitar player of Vibrators and went to Highgate Cemetery where Malcolm Mclaren is buried!

Highgate Cemetery

We also ate everything we could find and drank disappointingly bitter beer and some very nice fresh ciders. We were out of money 2 days before the plane home. Luckily Boris's parents were there to save us. We spent the rest on books which I will share in a separate post.

I didn't think London would touch me as much as it did. It would be so cool to live there some day. That's just my imagination talking, but who knows? It did seem like there's a lot more room for indie and guitar music there than in Berlin. Living there sounds more exciting than visiting as a tourist. So it was not the last trip for sure.

Maria

Berlin Pride 2016

Saturday was pride parade, and Boris, a friend and I went to march with the masses through Berlin.
Fun Fact: the reason why the parade was moved to Juli and did not take place in June like everywhere else in the world is because of the soccer World Cup. Now that's Germany for you!

The amount of people was crazy, and like every year there were a ton of wagons and people dressed in costumes.
Boris and I found the parade to be too political in the unfortunate sense of the word - there were more trucks of major corporations (who supported the parade, no doubt) and (left wing) political parties which looked like they were more propagandizing their own name through the parade.
Unlike last year, there was less involvement of people from the community.  where you could see many marginalized groups (for example - LGBTQA representatives of East European countries) bringing their people together.
We had an idea to maybe suggest having a queer-goth wagon (or group) next year, we know so many people who would potentially make this happen!

Otherwise we had a lot of fun and were dead tired in the end of the day. Our friend took some pictures:

they were Czech!

Maria

Dystopain - a poerty book by d0ll (interview)

I love making interviews when I have the chance, so here is a recent one with d0ll - DJane, alt model and writer, who's collection of free verse poetry is now up online in Amazon Kindle books!

D0ll's direct and piercing poems are screaming with themes such as self image, romance and feeling anti-social in today's society, and self-made photographs from her travels cluster a search into one's self that is very personal and easily relatable.

All links and references are included bellow.

d0ll

M: When did you start writing poetry? What inspired you to?

D: I first started writing poems during my teenage years. I think it all started as a way to deal with emotions, experiences and the outside world. To this day, some of my writings are as if therapeutic in a way, helping me digest negative experiences and feelings and helping me remember the positive ones and all the shades in between. The other kind of poetry I write is more social or sometimes anti-social and written a little bit from a different perspective.

From Anxiety:

"Armor of inner safety falls on the floor

Attraction that leads to self-destruction

Astonishment that reaches you deeper

Angry voices screaming

At you

Aggression strikes you like a bell that tolls

A hand moves on the handle on the door..."

M: Your poems are very straightforward – we get to see the writer and become her. Were you inspired by any writers or poets in particular? (Or any other literature you are inspired by?)

D: There are certain writers and poets that I enjoy reading very much, especially classics – Honoré Balzac, Oscar Wilde, Vladimir Nabokov, Jane Austen. I like reading romantic poetry, but also modern and post-modern poetry, I enjoy horror stories, historic fiction and some (mainly older) detective fiction. But I’m open to a plenty of genres if I feel a book has something interesting tell me and is able to draw and keep my attention. As much as I love literature, I don’t see myself as influenced by any writers in particular. Although it might be a question that’s easier to answer for someone reading my poetry or short stories. I would say my inspiration from writing comes from what I observe around myself or from my experience, some of it from music, paintings, drawings and photographs that I have seen. I’ve noticed that surrealist and expressionist artworks tend to move me and influence me. A bit of my inspiration might also flow from post punk music ;)


M: Self-image is a recurring theme in the book, what has moved you to focus on it?

D: To me poetry is like a mirror reflecting the same person, the same picture or surroundings every time you look in it, but from various angles and in a changing light. So my poems, for a part, are as if my own mirror reflecting everything through my eyes only my viewpoint is slightly changing with time. But I have also written poems that attempt to look at myself from a different person’s perspective.


From The Sea Remains Silent:

"I stand here and wait 

In hope that I will feel 

Your ghost somewhere near 

A last gust of the wind 

A last touch on my skin

You don’t seem to come back

To say goodbye I fear"

M: Is writing a process that occurs easily to you, or do you need to be in a specific mindset in order to write?

D: Writing is a process that happens automatically, in my case, anyway. I sometimes get an urge to write and must write down what it is on my mind. Or if I cannot do that immediately, I try to hold the thought, the words in my mind and scribble it as soon as I can. I never “decide” to write, in fact sometimes I am tired and just want to sleep or do nothing, but my inspiration won’t wait. And many times, I write almost despite myself, drowning in a particular negative experience again for some time, in order to “process“ it into a poem.


M: Aside from writing you also DJane and model. These are all very different mediums of self-expression, what do you experience with each? Which do you connect with more?

D: These diverse mediums have become important parts of my life. I must say that writing is very often connected to negative emotions and experiences in my life – or realizing certain precious and positive moments after they’ve already passed. Still, I feel a sense of satisfaction and peace after finishing a poem or a short story, after expressing an emotion or a vision in its whole.
DJing is an activity that is linked to pleasure in my mind, the cheer of enjoying great music and letting others enjoy it with me, giving some joy also to those that are listening in a way. It’s also about always discovering new music that I enjoy or don’t enjoy. It is, like with many things, a process of continuous education.
Modelling is attractive to me, mostly because of cooperating with creative and talented people and combining our ideas and turning them into something new every time. I like seeing the results just as much as I enjoy the process of creation.


From Piece Me Together:

"I keep on writing this story 

Which I can’t seem to finish 

And the same events always occur 

At the end of the day 

When you look at me
Don’t say you’re sorry 

The suffering is self-inflicted 

It takes one girl to break 

This body and mind

Don’t say you’re sorry

Just make sure 
I’m not out of sight"

M: You chose English for your poetry. Why so, and are you planning on writing in other languages?

D: I didn’t choose English, I think English chose me. ;) It has been the most natural language to write in for me for years, despite not being my mother tongue. To this day, all poems and short stories I have written are in English with the exception of one poem, which is in Slovak. Maybe in the future I will write in Dutch as well. Depends on what will feel natural to me. Anyway, I think Dutch is a poetic language and I’m fluent in it, so I might as well write in it someday.


M: Anything else you would like to add? 

D: Thank you for asking me your thoughtful questions. For anyone reading, I hope you enjoyed this introduction of the person responsible for writing the book Dystopain. There’s more to come in the not-so-far future. ;)

Get the book on Amazon Kindle edition.

D0ll can also be found at:
Official DJane Facebook page
Wake The Bats - Deathrock/old school goth/post punk/wave party in Bratislava, Slovakia
Official modeling page
Tumblr
D0ll on Leaves Of Ink

All pictures by d0ll.

Maria Alexander