The WGT tragedy and why I should calm the fuck down

Guess who is not going to the WGT despite at last living at the coutry where it´s held?

Well me, and I´ve been kranky to Boris sicne last year for not going, and this year again. The thing is, there are an (not) equal amount of reasong why I would and wouldn´t go, and in this post I spill out the torture between both.

Why I want to go the WGT:

1. I´ve suffered from intolerance and subcultural unawareness enough in Israel and WGT has been a dream since my babybat years.
2. I want to see cool and historical goth bands, see Leipzig painted black and enjoy the atmosphere of everyone together, one big gothic subculture!
3. I want to dress up the fancient I can imagine and walk the streets and be photographed and look fabulous more than anyone else there!

Why I don´t want to go to the WGT:

1. I am a student and should be focusing on my studies (especially now in the middle of the semester craze) and spare cashe whenever I can.
2. I don´t like the lineup almost each year, and why pay so much money to see like 2 of 200 bands?
3. In comparison to Israel, each weekend in Berlin is like WGT for me, and there is enough to do in Berlin anyways, especially in Summer.
4. Boris has promised me that one day he will play at the WGT and we will visit there with a good fat VIP like fucking kings!
5. WGT is each year anyway, it won´t be an open scar in my heart not to go another year.

Or would it? I´ve been in deny, doubt and over-persuation ever since my Israeli friends on FB starter to post here and there that they are going (like half a year ago) and others who popped for a visit in Berlin wrote me for a meet up (which I will happily do of course!).
And on the other hand, the reckless snob in me laughs silently at the poor sould from my homeland, for suffering the country´s mentality so badly they had to take it out yearly in some festival, only to return to their homes angain and envy how amazing it was in the Germany of their dreams.
But on the othe other hand, I marvel at how much the festival is magickal, how beautiful everyone is, how amazing it is that something like that could be held each year since the 90s! And since it was like the main "goth goal" for me as a babybat (and at this point I am even embarrassed to admit it), that going to the WGT even meant crossing the "being goth" task from the "gothic to do list" in my childish mind. There, you went to the WGT, you are now officially goth, wear it with pride....
Or some nonesene of the sort...

But looking at the people I know who are going, either this year on often, it makes me wonder that it´s just a festival, where you give money and consum. Either that or any other idiot can go to the WGT, call himself goth, as well as that same idiot can walk to the most expensive goth store nearby, buy a bunch of dark clothes and there you have it- he is a goth!
It is about the music still, but why should I torture my pour soul thinking I need a confirmation in being goth, or must visit the festival to prove something, even maybe not to myself?

It´s true that living in Israel and dreaming about the WGT is one thing, but living in Germany and looking to your left, realizing there´s some festival that´s going on and you are currently busy with approx. 1000 other tasks is another thing. Not to mention it kills me to even think of planning something like that in advance: buying a ticket a year before, booking a hostel and preping all my god damn diy achievements for a week of showing off (but who am I kidding, I love showing off!).
It is like with Wacken- people buy a ticket without even knowing what bands would play. So is it really all about the music?

I am probably making a very patheric impression right now trying to convince myself (and you) not to go, when I can feel the envy rising in me for everyone who does. It´s just... something deep inside me says I should wait, that there will be a dozen more other WGTs where I could go and when I will, I will bring so much money with me I won´t be chewing on my fingernails for spending it. And something else tells me that you know what, maybe Boris will bring us to the festival one day, maybe in the near future, and that sets hopes in me for something else; for something that is far more bigger than buying a ticket with the money you owned, but something greater, a huge step perhaps, a step for one small individual in the subculture, in the big black mass that we call goth.

Hope the people that are going will have fun though, I do wish the best for everyone.

N. Finsternis