3 July 2014

We´ve moved!

Moving was so exhausting that I am still in a constant state of tireness, although we´ve slept dead all weekend.
Our 2 room apartment which we were fortunate to get from the student committee (after being on the waiting list for half a year) is beautiful, we like every bit of it and last weekend and each day of this week we are went shopping for supplies, food and what not.
However we still prevent ourselves from fully unpacking, since the windows in our dorm are being replaced to new ones, and so (hopefully) tomorrow the polish workers will come banging on the walls of our flat! It´s not fun waking up to drills and hammers every morning, but we were warned in advanced and frankly we are so grateful to receive our first apartment in Berlin we don´t care about the noise that much. I can´t wait for them to replace the windows at out place, clean everything up and start decorating! I cannot feel at home yet without our stolen posters and framed photos hanging around :)

This is a geographical overview for where we´ve been living almost a year, and where we have moved:

The old place in the neighborhood (or should I say, suburbs far away from anything)  was an hour and 10 min. from our university, while the new place is obviously nearer (25 min.!).
We do not live near the center, but it´s a huge difference now, since from the old place we had to get 2 trains to get near all our favorite places, and from the new place everything is only in 1 train away!
Plus I am a thousand times grateful to get a place of our own, since I despise flat shares (we were forced to live in one since we got to Berlin because we didn´t have a steady income and the proper documents to get an apartment).

But enough said about all those details which probably mean nothing to you and I am glad they are a part of the past now.
The last couple of weeks have been psychologically difficult for me, and I am not quite sure if I am out of that pit or not, despite the happiness of moving. I find it lately very difficult to cope with changes and overcome mental struggles, especially when it comes to self esteem and being positive. I don´t know what has happened to me, but I was even forced to leave work yesterday and get a break until my exams in mid. July will be over. Sometimes I do not understand people nor myself, sometimes I can´t cooperate in a social environment, like it´s a challenge for me to merely speak out or communicate with other people, not to mention working in a job. I am thinking of seeking professional help, since the student committee offers such service for free. I feel like I am growing weaker and more depressive with time, and I fear that after the end of the semester I won´t be able to enjoy my summer vacation because of being anxious and worrying. I find myself clouded by anger from being envious too often, and it makes me really scared. I feel as if since we´ve accomplished moving to Berlin, one of the main feelings in my heart was envying the things other people had and I didn´t. I´ve never felt this way before in my life and it is a quality I am fighting to get rid off. 

So much for updates. One of my favorite things to do though since we still have no internet in the new flat, is to just sit and read before bed. I´ve been wanting to read for such a long time I feel like a teenager again while reading, like I used to do so often in high school.
Have a lovely and relaying weekend everyone, hopefully I will be able to update regularly after my exams!

N. Finsternis


  1. It's a lot closer to the uni than the other place. I hope you will settle down and find it good for you. I don't have anything comforting to tell you because the older I get, the more odd and weird I feel about myself. I have also difficulties in social situations. But if you talk to people about that you will se many have the same feelings. Take care of yourself and think that those lucky bastards you enfy, surely have lots of closet skeletons.

    1. Trying to tell myself that, although schadenfreude is not something i love to practice either. I think the older i get the more complicated and bitter i become, and this was something i promised myself not to become as a kid!

  2. Congratulations! It really does make a difference, both living closer to your place of study as well as in a nicer flat. I'm sorry that you've not been feeling your best recently; I spent most of this academic year in and out of depressive episodes, so I know how you're feeling - don't hesitate to seek help.

    1. thanks Fee, before I began studying a lot of people told me how unviersity was a nightmare for them, and I was kind of prepared for that, but when it hits you in the face you just have to deal with it. Funny that most of my stress this semester hasn´t involved much of matters related to studying but to my life in general, but I´ll fight it off, as I did with other worse things before.