My life has been (positively) busy lately, so for lack of time for quality posts, here's a TMI tag:
1. what are you wearing? H&M leggings, socks, an oversized Lebanon Hanover shirt and a sweather. These are my house clothes.
2. have you ever been in love? Am always.
3. have you ever had a terrible break up? Story time: I had one breakup in my life with my ex that I've dated when Boris and I broke up many years ago during our relationship. The breakup was terrible was because I basically dumped the guy over the internet after he spent almost a month waiting for me to come join him in Berlin after he moved there. I said that I want to move to Berlin, but not with him. This served as a trigger for me to start learning German and want to move, then after realizing that we are basically miserable without each other, Boris and I got back together, moved in together, and proceed learning German together in order to make the move.
4. how tall are you? 1.68 cm. Go google that to you measures. (always wanted to reach 1.70 but that never happened).
5. how much do you weigh? Last time I checked it was about 57 kg.
6. any tattoos? None! When I'll get my first tattoo it will be super significant and you will hear all about it, which will result in me getting 20 more probably, which is why I am not getting my first tattoo in the first place.
7. any piercings? Four on each earlobe.
8. otp? I had to google this. Apparently an OTP is your favorite combination of characters in a fandom. I do not fantasize on existing characters, I create my own and fuck their brains out in my head.
9. what is your favorite show? Not watching any at the moment; current season of RuPaul's Drag Race is terribly disappointing, but Sherlock and Penny Dreadful were really memorable.
10. who are your favorite bands? Hello, have you read my blog?! I cannot allow myself to leave this blank of course, so current favorite bands would be Placebo, And Also The Trees, Japan, The Smiths and of course Opeth.
11. something you miss? Having more free time. And of course not carrying a daily burden of my existential suffering.
12. favorite song? Oh come on... At the moment: Slackerbitch by Placebo and that one blues song we have with our band, it drives me crazy and I feel like playing it all the time.
13. how old are you? 24 and a half.
14. zodiac sign?
15. quality you look for in a partner? That they will give their heart and soul to me for the rest of their lives because I cannot pace this world on my own.
16. what is your favorite quote? Pretty sure I've mentioned it already, but here you go:
"The rain was waving goodbye And when the night came The forest folded its branches around me Something passed by, and I went into a dream She - laughing and weeping at once."
Opeth / April Ethereal
17. who is your favorite actor? Omg Eva Green. She's just amazing!! I do love Tilda Swinton and Johnny Depp as well of course.
18. favorite color? Purple. Bet you thought black.
19. loud music or soft? Soft music playing loudly.
20. where do you go when you’re sad? In the depths of my mind. Rarely a nice place to be.
21. how long does it take you to shower? With hair - 15 min. Without - 5.
22. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? An hour and 20 minutes.
23. have you ever been in a physical fight? Yes as a child and I have been scarred ever since.
24. turn on’s? Guys - INTELLECT, long hair, feminine face, artistic qualities, and a constant look of sorrow and longing. Girls - INTELLECT and lots of ass. Also glasses on both. A Danish accent is good too.
25. turn off’s? Stupidity, tactlessness and basically lack of being a nerd in anything.
26. the reason I joined youtube? Oh, is this a youtube tag? Ooops lol.
27. what are your fears? I already mentioned my fear of waves, but I am also scared of cockroaches and losing my beautiful body after giving birth (no, this is no joke, birth is horrific).
28. last thing that made you cry? A song almost did.
29. last time you said you loved someone? Yesterday? Oh god I haven't told Boris I loved him today, that cannot be....
30. meaning behind your youtube name? So this IS a youtube tag! :D
31. last book you read? Miss Peregrin's Home For Peculiar Children and I am meaning to write a review on that as soon as I finish a couple of other book. Hint: I was not awed.
32. the book you’re currently reading? The Taxidermist's Daughter by Kate Mosse. Omg you guys this is like And Also The Trees became a book. This is seriously good: fields of an Englisch village, beginning of the 20th century, an angsty loner heroine... I can feel the guitar reverbs coming! I will write a review of this including Miss Peregrin's.
Instead of my usual ramblings I wanted to share some recent thoughts of mine in a creative-writing kind of way. I have little free time but I always find those precious moments to think...
You know you are an adult when you go to the store to by pens. It's always been the kind of thing that's part of the house, just like furniture, your family, food... Pens were always there - scattered in places, always old, some with a company logo on them, some are cheap that you never ran out of.
And then one day you realize that there are no pens in you house. And just like the groceries you need to regularly buy, the need to supply what usually has always been there, pens - pens are one of those things. One of your little responsibilities.
When someone's tongue feels as if a hand is recklessly searching through a cupboard's bottom drawer, you are not having a good kiss.
About Time Alone
I am great at being alone - I never get bored. Whenever silence rises and I know the door is closed, that is when I begin my job as a private tutor in the school of the universe. I tell you about things - exciting things, things you have never heard before, in the broadest variety of subjects. I usually choose one language to do it with, mostly English, as I imagine a young child (preferably a shy virgin boy, I like them fresh) ravenously devouring my knowledge with all his abilities of perception. I enlighten, teach, criticize - but support. I walk around the rooms, I make impressive hand gestures, sometimes standing in front of the mirror, as I talk, and talk and talk. I am giving you seminars on life.
My mom does the same.
I would like to have a child, one child. For whenever Boris is going to gigs and I am left the weekend alone. We would have quality time, do things, go for a walk, eat ice cream, take pictures of us outside, watch cartoons and wait for dad to come home and bring us something interesting from Poland, south of Germany, Italy... Then we will be together again.
I am positively surprised of my zero effort makeup today. I normally add a brown eyeshadow in the corner and outer crease of my eyes for a somewhat natural look, but this time decided to use Bordeaux eyeshadow and eye pencil. I usually make an inner cat-eye in some shape or form, but thanks to putting the ordeaux in the nose crease I needed no extra lines.
I have no mascara on as well!
This is perhaps the most natural and close to my no-makeup face I've ever got, minus the brows, third eye, lips and the one and only - concealer!
I will probably make a no-makeup face one day, for Halloween maybe, would be appropriate...
Fun Fact: the reason I wear concealer is because I have permanent red-pink circles under my eyes. I mentioned people mistaken be for being sick or tired when without it numerous times, which has led me to wear it non stop. The bordeaux looks pencil looks very much like my dark circles, however I find putting it under my eyes actually compliments me and shapes my eyes without being too bold like brown or black. Curious things, our bodies are...
I love making interviews when I have the chance, so here is a recent one with d0ll - DJane, alt model and writer, who's collection of free verse poetry is now up online in Amazon Kindle books!
D0ll's direct and piercing poems are screaming with themes such as self image, romance and feeling anti-social in today's society, and self-made photographs from her travels cluster a search into one's self that is very personal and easily relatable.
All links and references are included bellow.
M: When did you start writing poetry? What inspired you to?
D: I first started writing poems during my teenage years. I think it all started as a way to deal with emotions, experiences and the outside world. To this day, some of my writings are as if therapeutic in a way, helping me digest negative experiences and feelings and helping me remember the positive ones and all the shades in between. The other kind of poetry I write is more social or sometimes anti-social and written a little bit from a different perspective.
"Armor of inner safety falls on the floor
Attraction that leads to self-destruction
Astonishment that reaches you deeper
Angry voices screaming
Aggression strikes you like a bell that tolls
A hand moves on the handle on the door..."
M: Your poems are very straightforward – we get to see the writer and become her. Were you inspired by any writers or poets in particular? (Or any other literature you are inspired by?) D: There are certain writers and poets that I enjoy reading very much, especially classics – Honoré Balzac, Oscar Wilde, Vladimir Nabokov, Jane Austen. I like reading romantic poetry, but also modern and post-modern poetry, I enjoy horror stories, historic fiction and some (mainly older) detective fiction. But I’m open to a plenty of genres if I feel a book has something interesting tell me and is able to draw and keep my attention. As much as I love literature, I don’t see myself as influenced by any writers in particular. Although it might be a question that’s easier to answer for someone reading my poetry or short stories. I would say my inspiration from writing comes from what I observe around myself or from my experience, some of it from music, paintings, drawings and photographs that I have seen. I’ve noticed that surrealist and expressionist artworks tend to move me and influence me. A bit of my inspiration might also flow from post punk music ;) M: Self-image is a recurring theme in the book, what has moved you to focus on it? D: To me poetry is like a mirror reflecting the same person, the same picture or surroundings every time you look in it, but from various angles and in a changing light. So my poems, for a part, are as if my own mirror reflecting everything through my eyes only my viewpoint is slightly changing with time. But I have also written poems that attempt to look at myself from a different person’s perspective.
From The Sea Remains Silent:
"I stand here and wait
In hope that I will feel
Your ghost somewhere near
A last gust of the wind
A last touch on my skin
You don’t seem to come back
To say goodbye I fear"
M: Is writing a process that occurs easily to you, or do you need to be in a specific mindset in order to write? D: Writing is a process that happens automatically, in my case, anyway. I sometimes get an urge to write and must write down what it is on my mind. Or if I cannot do that immediately, I try to hold the thought, the words in my mind and scribble it as soon as I can. I never “decide” to write, in fact sometimes I am tired and just want to sleep or do nothing, but my inspiration won’t wait. And many times, I write almost despite myself, drowning in a particular negative experience again for some time, in order to “process“ it into a poem. M: Aside from writing you also DJane and model. These are all very different mediums of self-expression, what do you experience with each? Which do you connect with more? D: These diverse mediums have become important parts of my life. I must say that writing is very often connected to negative emotions and experiences in my life – or realizing certain precious and positive moments after they’ve already passed. Still, I feel a sense of satisfaction and peace after finishing a poem or a short story, after expressing an emotion or a vision in its whole. DJing is an activity that is linked to pleasure in my mind, the cheer of enjoying great music and letting others enjoy it with me, giving some joy also to those that are listening in a way. It’s also about always discovering new music that I enjoy or don’t enjoy. It is, like with many things, a process of continuous education. Modelling is attractive to me, mostly because of cooperating with creative and talented people and combining our ideas and turning them into something new every time. I like seeing the results just as much as I enjoy the process of creation. From Piece Me Together:
"I keep on writing this story
Which I can’t seem to finish
And the same events always occur
At the end of the day
When you look at me Don’t say you’re sorry
The suffering is self-inflicted
It takes one girl to break
This body and mind
Don’t say you’re sorry
Just make sure I’m not out of sight"
M: You chose English for your poetry. Why so, and are you planning on writing in other languages? D: I didn’t choose English, I think English chose me. ;) It has been the most natural language to write in for me for years, despite not being my mother tongue. To this day, all poems and short stories I have written are in English with the exception of one poem, which is in Slovak. Maybe in the future I will write in Dutch as well. Depends on what will feel natural to me. Anyway, I think Dutch is a poetic language and I’m fluent in it, so I might as well write in it someday. M: Anything else you would like to add? D: Thank you for asking me your thoughtful questions. For anyone reading, I hope you enjoyed this introduction of the person responsible for writing the book Dystopain. There’s more to come in the not-so-far future. ;)