Return To The Batcave Festival- an interview with Tomas Woodraf

In October last year I went to Return To The Batcave, a festival in Wroclaw, Poland. I had a ton of fun, and wanted to make a zine about the old school goth scene including an interview with the organizer, Tomas Woodraf.
The idea of the zine did not came to realization unfortunately, but I did make the interview and Tomas recently poked me to post it, which is great since I completely forgot about it.

So if you are interested about the DIY scene in Poland and the festival in particular, here is the interview. Return To The Batcave takes place in October again this year and I hope this interview will urge you to buy a ticket and celebrate with us all!

N.: Tell us about Return To The Batcave, how did it start, what was the original idea? 

Tomas: Since the beginning Return To The Batcave has been strictly related with Bat-Cave.pl webzine which was launched in 2006 – the main idea behind this webzine was the promotion of some not much known underground music genres like deathrock, gothic-punk, old school gothic, “batcave”, post-punk, cold wave and similar with direct origins in the 80’s and of course with some touch of art – there is soooo many ass-kicking music around that shouldn’t be forgotten and is just waiting to be discovered so as madcaps we had to do this and help a little bit to make our beloved sick music undead. 

Our second goal was to build the “batcave” community here in Poland, somehow with other folks at Bat-Cave.pl we hit on an idea to arrange Bat-Cave.pl parties in several Polish cities - to meet each other, dance, drink and have fun together during gigs organized by ourselves - it’s better to organize something yourself than complain about the lack of events. 

I was in charge of Wroclaw’s edition of “Bat-Cave Tour” – I called it “Return To The Batcave”  - it was in 2008. My editorial friend Mike “Mss” joined as a DJ from the first edition. I had some experience with organizing gigs during grammar school years and I’ve been a DJ since 2000 or something – so I knew what it looks like in terms of organization, it was quite natural for me. We had a lot of fun during the first Return To The Batcave, so we knew we wanted to continue it.

N.: How do you find the organization of such a relatively big event? Do you feel like the people from the scene are supportive?

Tomas: I think that organization of events like Return To The Batcave Festival is really cool, it’s a great opportunity to meet with people from many other countries – with music’s maniacs - people who think in a very similar way. It’s not really important where they come from – there are no borders – we are one big crazy family and should keep this spirit alive. 

It’s also a chance to meet artists, bands who perform music close to our hearts. A lot of people from the scene support us – they offer help with promotion, share their ideas and want to be a part of this event. They really care about it - that’s the point! It’s also some extra motivation for our crew. 

Taking the opportunity I would like to thanks for all our supporters for any help, for all the kind words, basically for everything – without you it would not be possible to organize this mad circus!

N.: How would you describe the alternative scene in Poland?

Tomas: If we talk about oldschool goth / dark / post-punk scene I have to say with regret that’s not so big and popular – it’s underground like probably everywhere! :) Alongside of the ocean of shit we happily have some active treasures like Wieże Fabryk, Alles, Już Nie Żyjesz, Hatesory, DHM, Chaplin&Chapman, The Proof, Kandahar, Hyoscyamus Niger, Augen X, Nacht Und Nebel, Ukryte Zalety Systemu, Schrottersburg, Cabaret Grey, This Cold, Deathcamp Project, Joanna Makabresku, 1984 or Psychoformalina (who are on hiatus now). These are not all the bands for sure since new bands also show up, but a lot of them die very quickly. 

There are not many regular events in Poland except the awesome Old Skull in Warsaw which is a real Polish goth-punk mecca for me, we are also quite active with Return To The Batcave events in Wroclaw. I also know about some other events in cities like Szczecin, Lodz, Poznan, Gdansk, Rybnik, Krakow, Lublin but these events aren’t regular, so if we’re talking about Polish “goth/post-punk” cities then these would be Wroclaw and Warsaw. 

A big “dark independent” (I don’t know who invented this stupid term :) ) festival having place in Bolków is also worth to mention – it’s the Castle Party Festival. It’s line-up is very varied and maybe not “killa” but it has an amazing, addictive atmosphere, it’s something like a dark carnival in the middle of summer – if you ever have a chance to come to Castle Party, don’t think twice – just come!

N.: What was the best moment for you so far in the festival´s history?

Tomas: There were a lot of fantastic moments – seeing and hearing fantastic gigs, meeting fantastic people – crazy and touching things I will never forget, but my favorite moment is every time I see smile on faces of all the people who come, often from various parts of the world. It’s a real honor to have them here and see that they really enjoy it.

N.: A lot of effort is being put in working behind the scenes, what is the hardest part for you when it comes to organizing the festival?

Tomas: I would lie if I said that it’s a piece of cake, organizing of a festival takes a lot of time – it’s logistics, promotion, agreements with bands, hotels, catering, venue etc. It all eats up a lot of energy and can also be stressful – you must be prepared for everything, for any worst-case scenario you can imagine, you have to keep an eye on every element and be ready to quickly solve any problems. Right now we have crystallized the Return To The Batcave crew – everyone here has his tasks and is focused on them – so it’s not that complicated at the moment. 

The biggest headache and heartache is with bands’ booking, it’s always a hard decision which bands to book – if it was possible I would book all these great bands contacting us about the possibility of playing at our festival, but it’s simply impossible. But when the festival starts there’s no time for cry – it’s party time! :)

N.: How do you see Return To The Batcave in the future, is there a vision you are aiming for?

Tomas: We are not planning any bigger changes in the future  – we will still spontaneously organize regular Return To The Batcave events with 2 or 3 bands from time to time - there is still a lot of ideas and great bands we want to bring to Wrocław. Lots of  new bands show up and it’s very pleasing – it’s good there is fresh blood because stagnation means death. 

Our crew is also in charge of oldschool afterparties during the Castle Party Festival in Bolków so you can join us there and feel the touch of the unique atmosphere of CP too. 

Of course have also started working on the next edition of Return To The Batcave Festival which is our main goal, it will take place in Wrocław on 16-18.10.2015 – I hope you will enjoy it, I want to see more and more happy faces there!  We will inform about our future projects at our page: www.return.to.the.batcave.pl.

I can tell you I am completely thrilled for October this year, since the festival will include bands such as 13th Chime, Masquerade, Elvira and The Bats, Kandahar, Frank The Baptist, Wieze Fabryk (fucking a!!) and many more. Here is the official FB event.

Hope to see some of you there (I am not talking only to you, Polish bloggers!).

N. Finsternis

Blast From The Past: first "goth" picture

The year is approx. 2005, and I am approx. 14 years old. I am deep into baroque music: going to an arts inclined middle school and majoring in music, visiting private recorder lessons with my incredible tutor and doing so many musical activities that have since then changed my life.

In the picture I am playing at the Abu-Gosh (Arabic village near Jerusalem) music festival for the first time. I would play there 2 more times in future years with the baroque ensemble my tutor organized.

You can hardly see it, but my hair has bleach strikes from the washed pink I´ve had in, first time coloring hair as well! I was the only one at school with pink hair and was almost banned for it XD.

I am tanned!

These pictures were taken by my mom, she was very proud of me learning music, and I have enjoyed it a lot.
This is one of my first "alternative" outfits (mind blown!!!), with one of the only black pieces I owned.
At the time I way very fond of old victorian things, I fancied different fabrics like lace, mesh, silk or whatever, architecture of the time etc... and I loved the aesthetic of the baroque era too, respectfully. I´ve always wanted to dress a lot more creatively on stage, but that was sort of an issue with the classical music audience. My tutor always told me not to give a shit though.

These pictures are still one of my favorite, mom took very nice shots.

Still recovering from surgery, so I thought I´d show you pictures from when I was young and healthy.

N. Finsternis

My Problem with the Caitlyn Jenner Story

Take a deep breath before I take you and myself into a controversial post.
The reason for me addressing a story that is first and foremost a pop culture publicity stunt (and has frankly nothing to little to do with the theme of this blog) is because it is a very important one and one that should be talked about.
Another reason is because I was moved (from various personal reasons) to write about the subject of the portrayal of trans* people in the media after reading about Caitlyn´s story, especially after reading Julia Serano´s book Whipping Girl which deals with the a similar subject. I wrote shortly about the book in my May Favorites post and how it has moved me greatly, and Caitlyn´s coming out sensation painfully and directly connects with it.

A post like this deserves a big fat disclaimer, so here we go:

• I cannot in any way speak for any trans* person out there, since of course I am not a transgender person myself. I do however have questioned my own gender for a lot of years and identify as both female and male at times, and have difficulty deciding which between the two speak to me most. I wrote a little about my gender questioning before (hopefully more to come), which has made me wonder about gender roles in our society and what femininity and masculinity means to me and how do I connect with the two. It has also inspired me to educate myself on the subject. Moreover, having my partner explore his gender identity has put the subject a lot closer in our every day life and relationship. I tend to see myself both as a woman and a man sometimes (variously) and to some degree, the story I am about to address today did speak to me.

• I do not of course know Caitlyn Jenner personally nor was I familiar with her personality (as well as before the transition) up until her coming out. All speculations are based on the information that I found on the internet and what Jenner has said herself.

• I cannot provide any authority on the subject nor do I mean to. While reading the post please keep in mind that this is a personal blog where I share my personal opinion. My opinion is based on the people I have come to know who had alternative gender expressions and the literature that I´ve read on the subject.

Courtesy to Vanity Fair

When I first came across Jenner´s story, it made me very excited. I remember seeing an article about then Bruce Jenner coming out to the world as a woman a few months ago. Then came the photo shoot reveal in June. 

The first this I thought of was that it must have taken a lot of courage to come out to the world as transgender at such a late age, and especially as a celebrity, where everyone is constantly talking about you regardless. I imagined it to be quite a journey in the life of a person to hold themselves back from their true identity for so many years, and the support that person needed from his family and loved ones throughout (needless to say that transitioning is evidently a complicated process where any person regardless of age, gender or color would need great love and support). So coming to terms with her own identity must have lifted a great burden off of Caitlyn shoulders and I was sincerely happy for her.

However, the story demands an observation, and a lot came to my mind the more I thought about it.

Before taking any stand regarding the story, one must admit that this is a celebrity we are talking about. This is clearly a person who had his personal life in a spotlight since his success as an athlete. And inevitably this person is very rich, and therefore is in comparison to most people- privileged.

So my next thought after being happy for Caitlyn was: oh, getting access to an optional medical procedure one can chose to do must have been a lot easier for Jenner than most trans* people. And by "most" I mean those people who struggle for every penny to get access to hormone therapy; people who are forced to prostitution in order to get the money for surgery, or simply- people who might have lost their family because of identifying as transgender. 

The list goes on and on, and it is most important to understand that no trans* person is a representative of all trans* people. Generalizing women is wrong, generalizing a race is wrong, so any kind of generalizing will bring little understanding to one person´s intimate world.

Needless to say that you and I cannot assume the identity of any person whatsoever, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans*, intersex or whatever. Each person has his own world, his own life and understanding of himself, and no one knows you better than you know yourself.

Now you can ask yourself- did I keep that in mind when introduced to Caitlyn Jenner? This is where the media comes in, and this is where my problem begins.

I have decided to sum up my opinion in titles in order to have it more organized:

1. Everything is very subjective

As mentioned before, every person is different, as well as every person´s transition would be different. So when Jenner talks about how being a woman is having "girl´s nights" and putting on dresses and nail polish, I only pray that the common idiot will not assume that this is what womanhood feels like, to all woman alike. It is such a dangerous subject, because it grounds society´s sexist views on women.

On the other hand, every person is different, so you can imagine people describing being a woman in many different ways, and Jenner is entitled to her point of view as much as anyone of us. 

But do we think about it when reading the interview with her? I deeply wished to know more about the struggle she must have been through, about finding out what womanhood meant for her personally and her connection with herself. But you cannot expect every person, trans* or not, to talk about this matter because again- everything is very subjective, and people who identify as women or men may express that as they wish. 

I just found it dreadful that it´s all the impression that we get from Jenner, and in my opinion it´s a very flat point of view on what womanhood is about. 

2. The photo shoot

Which brings me to my next point: we get to see the perfect finished product- beautiful hair and skin, feminized face- a person who looks like a supermodel. While it must be very empowering to present yourself to the world as you truly are, and it definitely must have felt like the true freedom Jenner was talking about, it made me feel like this was another freak show coming; or should I say reality show, since it´s a major difference you see. The grand reveal, everyone goes "Oh! Ah!".
I feel like this is targeting another very banal point of view- that one needs a fancy photo shoot in order to feel like a woman; that the point of transitioning is investing millions on surgery in order to look a certain way. 

I can very well assume that a lot of people who identify as transgender don´t feel the need getting any kind of surgery, nor "revealing" themselves as the new me. I imagine coming out in any way is a scary experience in many cases, and most people wouldn´t want to make a theater out of it.

The "making a theater out of it" is another point which centers on a problematic perspective the media likes to position trans* people: as exotic beings shedding their skin in order for us to marvel at the "before and after" (and the legitimacy to ask about what´s in between their pants as a result, because everything is so revealed that question would come very naturally).

3. Woman? What woman?

Speaking of the photo shoot and the way transsexuality is being positioned through it, it can shed a very negative light on transsexual people (especially FTM) and femininity in general.
How? In the way that looking feminine and becoming a woman (in a case of the sex assigned at birth) is presented to us in a very artificial way: you can buy your face, you can buy your boobs, and we see a photoshopped picture in the end.
Going from the speculation that femininity is exaggerated and being made as something artificial in our modern society. the way Jenner´s transition is presented won´t change how society views women in general, and transsexuality in particular. In fact, it will again ground a sexist point of view on women (and what it means being one): that women need to appeal as some mannequin from a fashion magazine; that being a woman means having your hair and nails done; it means wearing red lipstick and wearing heels.
I would beg to differ on that, since how many of us women, of every gender identity and sexual orientation, don´t feel like we need all those things, nor do we feel like those things make us women in the first place.
I would go further and speculate that MTF transsexual people don´t need their femininity reassured by all those things, and that the average idiot will think that for a MTF transsexual person to feel like a woman would mean "fixing" and "reconstructing" through surgical and other procedures the things they were born with- out with the old, in with the new.
Do you think society will perceive Jenner as a woman after her transition is being presented that way? Would people regard her as a woman and not as a product?

Courtesy to Vanity Fair

4. Money makes the world go round

Look the truth in the eye: we have a rich person being able to not only afford surgical procedure, but a photo shoot and a reality show. Caitlyn is entitled to do with her money whatever she pleases, but this is a very one-sided way presenting a transition to the public. It is majorly important to make the world aware of trans* people and their journey in order to make the world a better place where everyone can be accepted (even just slightly with a sensation targeting the western world more than anything. And you would probably be more accepted if you´d make a scenery out of yourself and nothing else). 

But do you really think the article about Caitlyn doing it the right way? I would rather wish people would speak about making the journey within themselves rather than focusing on the way they look. Moreover, could one really expect to get a deep insight what a person´s like from a reality show? This is fast food info we are getting here, which might get the viewers to be more open about trans* people, but only from a very shallow perspective. Of course it is a lot easier to sell the people something pretty and not talk about the difficulties getting there.

So after all argumentation, is Caitlyn Jenner´s story wrong? No, it is not, but the way it is presented in the media is. It is presented in a way that makes you believe in a sort of fairy tail regarding transition, featuring the polished finished product. It does not touch the tip of the iceberg (nor have I in this post) of the different stages of transition and the difficulties transgender people face in their everyday life. In Jenner´s story we see a rich white person being literally transformed in the most aesthetically pleasing way possible, and automatically accepted in western society just by being a celebrity. And you and I can very well assume that in 99% of the time it is not the case.

I found this video very educating as well, where some of what I wrote is being told by transgender people:

Transgeder people react to Caitlyn Jenner´s coming out

I hope that I´ve summed my opinion respectfully in this post, it was truly important for me to share it. I would love to hear your opinion on the matter as well, and thank you for everyone who found the time to read this post.

N. Finsternis

B Movie: Lust and Sound in West Berlin 1979-1989

A while ago Boris and I went to a screening of B-Movie, a documentary featuring footages from the underground scene in west Berlin during the 80s. We live for everything 80s and everything Berlin, so we were very excited.

The best part about the film is that it is basically about how this one guy from Manchester moves to Berlin and has a video blog about what is going on- clubs, gigs, subcultures; god knows where those films have been lying, but the cluster was amazing. You get to see a tour of West Berlin: the peek of squats and music genres like post punk and new wave, featuring bands like Malaria! as well as Blixa Bargeld, Nick Cave, David Bowie and other musicians that I admire.

One of my favorite captures from the film of one of the pedestrians in the Kreuzberg district.
Source. 

The story is very simple- it is about how one enjoys all the things the city has to offer, over does it and gets tired and disappointed, and then moves on to something new- different subcultures emerging, different music and of course with it- the fall of the wall, which literally breaks the little bubble people in west Berlin were living in. I liked how the film combines history and music altogether.

We took the film personally, as Boris and I too came to Berlin for a change of scenery and for the freedom and the music, so we had a very tender feeling throughout it :)

Malaria!
Source

I really recommend watching this film, it was kind of a follow up for us after The Wings Of Desire, which also depicts west Berlin, its music and atmosphere during the 80s. B-Movie is more DIY and less romantic, but you still kind of wish you were there.

So much for news. It has been almost a week since I´ve had my knee surgery and am currently resting at home. I will probably need 2 more weeks. All is well, but I do miss using my leg normally now and am kind of bored.

N. Finsternis

Things that made me happy in May

Should I do a monthly favorites post? This is a great opportunity to be grateful for stuff, also because this is not a YouTube channel and I can actually write about all none-material things and bash consumerism. I am getting highly political these days and I kind of like it.

The reason for this post is because another Frankie Teardrop-like month is behind me. Every week is so overwhelming I am again very close to a burnout, but at least the time is filled with productive and happy things as well, so not all is bad, but is highly contributing to my lack of time.

So here is my gratitude for the following things which made time a bit better:

• Mom coming to visit!

For the first time since the 2 years of us living in Berlin, my mother came to visit me!! I did see her with dad and my brother in September last year when we made a family trip to Uzbekistan, but with all the relatives around I had little opportunities to talk to her. My mom has always been my best friend and I´ve missed her terribly, missed our talks about life and I wanted to show her Berlin so badly, to show her why I love the city, what is Berlin for me.
She came only for a weekend but we have accomplished so much! We walked the city, went to a punk festival (she liked everything about it and photographed like crazy!), ate a lot and had very nice conversations about things we´ve never talked before. I could talk to her about polyamory, bisexuality, having children and so many other things. I am so happy and grateful for having such an amazing mom. 

• Reading The Hobbit for the first time

The time has come for me to read The Lords Of The Rings, a long since set goal and I am ashamed for not reading it before (fantasy has never been my cup of tea so I have postponed it for the sake of more serious literature. I am kidding you realize). And what better start than The Hobbit?

I must say this is the most brittish book I have ever read. I read Dickens and even he wasn´t as brittish as this. Everything is so witty, coquettish and cute; the personalities of the characters, the way he describes things is deep and emotional but at the same time very minimal and lightheaded. Absolutely amazing, the little poems are a treat as well.

The book I took from the library is filled with these beautiful illustrations, aside from the map of that Tolkien land course.

Source

• Playing the bass

I will let you know on a secret- I have been practicing the bass since end of April, and it has been amazing! There are some stuff brewing, I cannot tell anything yet but it does help me enormously to get better, and that´s so exciting! I am leveling up basically every day (and wanting to play all day every day, which has been taking much of my free time, but like- yay!). Soon things will come, and I will devour them with great passions. I have been waiting to go back to music again after my baroque music days from high school, only this time it is waaay different.

• Visiting a cacti convention in the Berlin Botanic Gardens

I used to collect cacti in Israel, and they are not sold in every flower shop here in Berlin, so I was excited to go to this convention filled with fuzzy phallic plants. There were all sorts of them there, a lot for sale too.

There was this one Czech seller who we saw sold Meskalitos! Boris and I thought these were like super prohibited trippy cacti that only the shamans knew of. Turns out that no, you can buy one for like 3 euro, which we did! And the nice seller even gave us one for free, since we have told him we want to pollinate them and eat the seeds in a true Carlos Castaneda fashion (this is what you get for reading books about explorers doing drugs in Mexico deserts when you are a teenager). 

We have 2 Lophophoras now, need to take care of them and be patient. 

• Reading "Whipping Girl" by Julia Serano

One of the highlights of my month is reading this amazing book. This is one sharp take on the sexist views of our society written from the point of view of a transsexual woman (courtesy to Serano).

This book has made me rethink my life as a female born person, made me at last understand what feminism was all about, and made me rethink gender roles all over again (more than usually). Every fucking word in this book is set in stone, and I found Seranos perspectives and speculations so empowering and fascinating! 

This is basically feminism written in a respectable, scientific but very understandable fashion in a way it should have been done. A lot of the parts in the book were very close to my heart, like descriptions about finding yourself and staying true to who you really are, how one views other people´s identities, and basically realizing that gender is such a subjective thing. This is recommended to everyone, not just for people from the academia or with alternative gender expressions. This book calls for compassion and understanding more than anything, as well as realizing how cis-sexist our (western) culture really is, and what it is doing to us and the way we perceive our connection with other people under our noses.

I think the book has played a role in both mine and Boris´ life. He has began cross dressing a lot more frequently after reading it and getting into gender studies, and I have been embracing deep and so far slightly hidden things in me as well.

Source

• Seeing The Underground Youth live

I have been into this band for a while now, because of their 60s meets post punk meets shoegaze meets Velvet Underground (duh) vibe. So I went to see them alone, and this was one of the best gigs I´ve ever been to. I felt like being in some kind of film- the atmosphere was mysterious, the venue was new to me, kind of like a half ruined small building, and even though Berlin is filled with those this one was particularly, um- ruined! The support act (Jawbones) were amazing as well, and don´t get me started on the slowest moshpit I´ve ever taken part at, it was like being a sea week in a sea of sweaty hypnotized people, with the musicians jumping off the stage and moshing with us while playing. It was beautiful.

Though sounding rather soft on the recording, it was quite heavy on stage!

Wow, I did have a very versatile and active month! What has made your month brighter?

I wish a wonderful weekend to you all!

Maria Finsternis

Red DIY deathrock/ punk 77 jacket

The time has come!

I have promised this post too long ago, camera all good now.
Old jacket replaced with new, this is a size 40 blazer that I found on second hand for less than 5 euros. It was altered by a friend, but you can still see that the general shape is weird, and it looks big on me. But I don´t care, I like it.
I have remade the patches from the old jacket as well.

Pins include The Birthday Party, Lebanon Hanover, Some Wear Leather Some Wear Lace, Sex Pistols´ God Save The Queen, Jim Morrison, Ben Bloodygrave, The Wings Of Desire, BatNight SE.

I just love this color, this jacket transforms any outfit and is so far great for the warm days.

Do you have any DIY projects or summer wardrobe goals?

N. Finsternis

My Cymophobia

Life has been swelling me lately- university, work and homework, lack of sleep and general moodiness. Hope things will get better soon, my mood has been very bad lately (so as to even taking  a collection of short stories by HP Lovecraft from the library to match it).

But for the sake of keeping the blog alive and for lack of a more appropriate theme, I´ve decided to share my nightmare with you.

• Cymophobia is an abnormal fear of waves, sea swells, tides etc (source).

Strangely, I grew up in Haifa in Israel, which is located on the coast, and my childhood involved frequently going to the beach every summer, and I liked it all the time. I never swum too deep though, as not being able to touch the ground beneath you was very scary, but I think this is a fear all people share.

I have stopped going to the beach since my teenage years (tanning is ungoth, plus Israeli beaches are hell), but it was never because of fear from the sea or anything.

However, I have always had only 1 type of nightmares- it was the picture of me running away on the beach from a huge tsunami wave, running faster and faster but still staying in place. Sometimes it would be the vision of rain tapping on an open window, and I would try to close it but the water would increase, pouring inside the room like from a bucket! Those nightmares always leave me scared, not like waking up with cold sweat scared, but they have made me get anxious and nervous whenever looking at pictures like this:

I am not scared into walking on the beach (although I don´t remember the last time doing it, in my last years in Israel I have avoided it), nor swimming in pools or ponds. I guess it´s the infinity of the sea that scares me, and it´s ever changing moods.

For example, looking at nature documentaries involving camera crew diving below a glacier will make me shit myself. As well as tsunami documentaries (though I find interest in them and if concentrated, can overcome the fright). I guess it really depends on the visuals, for example this video is living nightmare for me:

I swear if I´d been there I would have ran screaming towards the highest building and stayed there for a few days.

I was also terrified of this scene from Artificial Intelligence, where the main characters fly across flooded Manhattan (starts at 1:24):

I also tend to get Trypophobia, though I get a similar to ASMR feeling from it, but I don´t like it to say the least,

Do you have any phobias? Hope my tide will diminish and I could rest from everyday life soon.

N. Finsternis