Musical confessions

Much like ungoth confessions, this post is about contradicting/ ironic/ unfortunate things that a music lover can do. And you know me when it comes to sarcasm.


1. I judge you on your music tastes so. fucking. hard. 
Do not fear, this is mainly done out of curiosity, since if you dwell in a certain genre but also enjoy other ones, I would connect them to your biography and it will make me happy. Example: you go to black metal gigs but still have an Evanescence pin on your messenger bag. That would make me smile and think: "hey, I also liked listening to rubbish when I was a teenager, I should give that person a hug".

On the other hand, you like Porngrind - probably a sick fuck; listen to novelty bands - a shallow human being; oi punk - alcoholic; gothic rock - sexually deprived, most likely.

Source

2. I will dismiss an entire band based on one song. 
I am very specific about my music, and varied as it is (I do love listening to different genres and am very proud of my broad horizons) I know exactly what kind of music I do and do not want to listen to. So just from a few seconds of a song I can know if I dislike it based on melody/ production/ genre etc. I wouldn´t want to listen to the entire band based on that one judgement, most likely. I realize this is foolish but I have saved me so much disappointment over the years with this strategy.

Also, this is pretty useful when it comes to to re-discovering bands. If once I thought a particular band was crap, I would come back to it, listen to their entire discography (which I poured with diarrhea at the time) and will be happy how nice it is that my tastes have changed and I can enjoy what it is that other people enjoy.

3. I will dismiss an entire genre based on a band I disliked.
It´s pretty much the same as with no. 2 on this list. Only this time, it is a lot more truthful and fair. Mayhem sucks - black metal sucks. Oasis sucks - brit rock sucks. It´s simple, just try it.

Source

4. I couldn´t care less about records.
Or buying music for that matter. I download everything. Why should I have a fragile records player, trembling for it´s safety every time I move, plus storing hundreds of records that I already have on my ipod since years? I might buy music online, but let me check that nice Ukranian forum if someone has leaked it already.
But when our band´s music comes out you should totally buy and support us, ok? Bands won´t be able to live without hipsters and old school goths purchasing records like they can feed themselves on them. Amazes me each time.

5. I love to argue about bands I dislike and why they are overrated. 
Just a common sport, I have not met a lot of people who do that but when I do, it´s always fun to criticize others, especially if they have the nerve to make music, more so if it´s not your cup of tea. And I don´t care if it´s your favorite band in the world, you shall hear everything.
I do love to discuss when someone dislikes the bands I like for that matter.

6. I judge you on bands you do NOT know.
Only if they are key bands in a certain genre, like Joy Devision. And I don´t care if you just got out of your mother´s womb (or out of the babybat closet, for that matter). Have you not heard about The Birthday Party?!? Einstürzende Neubauten??? The entire New York CBGB scene?? Oh get out.

Source

7. I approach everything with enormous criticism.
Especially if it´s a contemporary band. Again, I know exactly what I want in my music, so maybe that´s why the approach. You have a band? Let´s see whatcha got, I am prepared to be disappointed in your interpretation of post punk revival mixed with neo- psychedelia pretending to sound like Lou Reed. Too bad, too bad...

8. I listen to "everything".
I swear if you are giving me this answer we are no longer friends. Alright, I listen to fucking everything as well, but come on- give me bands! Genres! Years! Origins! Not to mention your favorite band, which if you don´t have one then we obviously have nothing to talk about.


This should be enough. I encourage every one of you to join in and write something similar. Hope this has burdened you with dismay!

N. Finsternis

First time reading Tarot in public

A while ago a friend wrote that the CLUB (that´s literally how the place is called) where he is doing drag shows is looking for a Tarot reader to do their thing. I jumped on the idea and contacted the place.

And yesterday I came, set up my little table with some candles, a small sign and a box for tips and waited for the curious night dwellers to read their fortune.
This was my first time reading Tarot to anyone except from me and Boris. Which meant I was about to confront people I see for the first time (possibly drunk) to try and make sense of their current situation with the help of the classic Rider Wait deck.

Here are some conclusions of that night:

1. People were taking me very seriously. Just when I thought to break the stereotype of a big ass mysterious "psychic" (as if...) picking out cards with her long fingernails to candlelight telling you prophesies you are afraid to hear (aka my Tumblr), and instead try to make my readings as mundane as possible so that people could make a somewhat rational sense of it - I was surprised to see that people were eager for the mystery and drama, and aside from showering me with the stories of their life (which I liked a lot) also expected me to show some kind of clairvoyance and "magic".

I would never want a spiritual person to tell me  that things are black and white, because the are not. Instead I tried describing both possible outcomes of a certain situation. Some accepted it, and some didn´t. People actually expected me to give relatively specific answers, which is understandable but also kind of... old fashioned? Exaggerated? Maybe I had a different approach to it than what people had in mind.
Generally though things worked out well, and I enjoyed reading the cards with them.

2. Not knowing the person is quite the challenge. If I was used to read cards for myself, taking the time to interpret each card and possibly read a bit on it later, here the dynamic was different- I had to interpret a situation on the spot, and the little info I got about the person the more difficult it was.

It also depended on how much the person was willing to tell me, how much was "going on in their life" etc. I wondered how much from the reading is to rely on the information that a person is telling me about themselves, and how much the cards decide to reveal to me. Basically it can all be interpreted very vaguely, and again I feared to be too specific.


3. Knowing the cards is key. I realized that I knew the cards to some degree, but there was so much more that I could draw out from them. And that deserves more reading and learning on my part. Reading Tarot is a practical craft, and I faced the appropriate challenges with the limited knowledge that I had. I am now more eager to learn the cards than ever, and I am excited for my next reading.

4. I had a ton of fun. Sitting at the table all gothy and mystical has really boost my confidence. Not only that, but I enjoyed talking about life experiences and lessons with different people. These kind of conversations are something that I miss often, I don´t really have them with friends and I realized this was something that encourages me and brings me life.
Even though I did only 4 readings in total and got somewhat undertipped, it was incredibly rewarding when a person put some coins in that box, and I could help them look at their current situation from a different perspective. It made me happy to see the excitement in their eyes, and attuning myself to a new person was very interesting as well.


Do you have any experience in reading Tarot to others? Would you have the cards read for you?

N. Finsternis

The Wings Of Desire EP came out

It has been a while regarding TWOD´s activities. After a long time of mixing and mastering, the EP is out online and will be soon released as a limited edition CD as well.

The music features a unique combination of post punk, psychedelic clarinet realness and despair. Fuck yeah.
You can listen to it online and donate if you´d like. HERE.

Boris decided to use my picture for the artwork cover.

N. Finsternis

Instagram Mashup: Architecture and Statues

Wanted to share some of my Instagram pictures, because it is not enough posting them only on one social media site.
I love taking pictures of beautiful things, and there are quite a few images of buildings, windows, city scapes etc. that I liked editing and posting.

From Copenhagen:

 From Prague:

It´s nice that you can post full size pictures, but the limitation of a square picture is nice as well.

N. Finsternis

Berlin Folsom Fest

We had seen pictures of it online before but had no idea what it was, until we finally saw the official event in Siegessäule, Berlin´s biggest queer magazine.
Folsom Fest a fetish/ leather/ rubber street festival of the gay community. It began in San Francisco in the 80s, and is being held in Berlin since 2003.
Different events and play parties are held during an entire week, but one day is dedicated to when all gather to show off their puppies, best leather accessories and basically it felt like an October Fest with everyone sitting eating wurst and drinking beer. Only in leather. Or half naked.

I have tried to pick the less NSFW pictures...

We even met Israel Mr. Leather, and I was so excited I didn´t even know what face to make. He was super nice, what an honor!!!

The fest was great, the atmosphere was amazing and there was indeed much to look at. Definitely again next year!

N. Finsternis

Dye them black + Autumn thoughts

Long time no face of the night posts. It has been two and a half years and I have gone full circle, back to having black hair. I have terribly missed it.
Surprisingly I have missed the "darker" look black hair gives, and wanted to look more "alternative" and ever "gothier". Wow, next thing you know I will be worshiping the devil.

The days have become a lot colder here in Berlin, Autumn is coming at last and with it the anticipation for change, darker days, cosier clothes, Opeth and inspirations from music genres other than post punk.

My current musical obsession are Riverside and My Dying Bride. Just like with black hair, I love going back to things, especially to certain bands that have influenced me as a teenager. I have missed (for the lack of a better umbrella term) dark metal about mental struggles and misery.
I am starting to think it has influenced the kind of music I would love to make myself, at least lyrics-wise. Although I lack composing talents, I can only make something up through collaborating with someone. And it feels so satisfying, taking me to a deeper and safe space in my mind that is only rarely gets touched, and is very personal.

So much for seasonal musings.

 Have a wonderful beginning of Autumn everyone! (I have no idea what season are you people in the southern hemisphere at but it freaks me out to know it is the opposite to what we have here).

Gotta hate most metal album covers though

N. Finsternis

Atmospheric video

I finally sat down and edited some clips from our trip to Copenhagen last month. The video was taken on the ferry ride from Germany to Denmark, which is always my favorite part of the 7 hour bus ride. You get to go on the deck and enjoy the wind and sea.
I wrote about my fear of the sea before, but as long as there are little to no waves it´s fine, calming and inspiring :)

The editing is bad and I can do some much better, but a windows movie maker and an old laptop is all I have.
I was happy to finally find a song with the perfect atmosphere - Benjamin by Chelsea Wolfe.

Hope it will gloomen your day :)

N. Finsternis

We went to Prague!

This past weekend I tagged along Totenwald to Prague, where they played a gig with Horror Vacui during the Prague Gotik Treffen. 

The event was really cool and you could tell some guys have been working their asses off to make things in Prague happen, which was nice to see. It was nice to discover Sanctuary.cz.

I was super excited to visit Prague for the first time! I have been told only positive things about this city, and though the weather was extremely hot we managed to shred our feet by walking everywhere, eating Knedliki and drinking beer. Even though it was so very touristy everything in the city was amazing. 

And if you have not lived in Europe ever, Prague is pretty much every European fantasy come true- beautiful architecture, gothic cathedrals, good beer and the feeling that things have been existing more than 60 years (ehm, Israel...).

This door of yet another cathedral was really awesome, the symbol above it looked somewhat mysterious.

Now for Autumn to come at last. Have a wonderful week everyone!

N. Finsternis