I want to address a subject that everyone who consider themselves goth or alternative have thought about, and since me moving to Berlin, I feel that I´ve had the chance to gain perspective regarding it.
The scene. What is the scene? The graveyard scene, Goths, Freaks, Gruftis.... What defines a scene?
But first I would like to share a memoir:
It was a moisty and humid Autumn, but I still wore my faux leather corset and my long natural brown hair loose, torn stockings and a bondage collar. When I entered the club for the first time, I was struck by the atmosphere and the loud music, and thanked in my heart for the air conditioning. I was also happy to not have come alone. When I danced, I felt so free in my heart, as if I was doing something totally right, I was happy and even mighty, and I was surprised that the moving of the body, something which I´ve never felt related to or had talent in doing, has gave me such pleasure and happiness. I´ve asked myself, how come I´ve never went to this club before? How come I´ve never had interest in such a thing? When I realized that I´ve turned 18 just a month ago, the legal age.Is the scene a club? Does the scene begin when you turn legal, be that 18 or any other age which allows you to drink and go to parties? One can assume that the scene is a gathering of people; People who share the same interest as you, people who can understand you. But does it only have to begin so late, after age 18? What happens before that? Someone younger than 18 must be doing something with themselves, exploring the things they love, having fun in a way that doesn´t involve parties or alcohol (why should it really?).
I hope I am not the only one, who as a teenager sat days and nights on the internet in search for explanations, terms and people for what I´ve discovered was goth. So is the scene actually online, in your room, inside your computer? Is the scene a blog you created, customized accordingly, where other people like you can talk to you and comment? Is the scene a forum online, where you can find all those people with similar interests, scattered around the world, and basically everywhere but your local area? That seemed to be the scenario in my case.
The tall abandoned house was proudly painted and vandalized, stuff scattered in front of it, and it was protected by a gate, which only the ones who knew the place could enter. People stood around with beer and cigarettes, some sat around the fire in a circle. All of them were different, yet slightly the same; Torn tights, shaved heads, colored hair, diyed clothes, combat boots... they were all chatting about something, laughing, smoking a joint, waiting for a concert to start or just came around to see their friends. A rotten place it is, yet it manages to collect those who feel united in their hearts, even in the most cliche sense of it. They come and go, but through the past almost 30 years they have been the same. And somehow, even if one of them would wander in the most lost corner of the world, he would find another abandoned house and find his mates, and won´t ever be lost in this world.
But no matter how one would look at it, it all revolves around people, who are making something on their own, attracting other people to them, and together they form something that can be called a scene.
So is the scene unite? Are those people your friends, and you feel like family? I doubt so, because in the end, the scene is in your head, and like something spiritual, every one has his own relationship and understanding of the scene.
After a year and a month in Berlin, I already know where I would go to hang out, where are the cheapest goth places, where the snobbish goth people are, where I could sneak my own beer in because it´s too expensive to buy it inside, and who are and are not my friends. That was something I had dreamed of back in Israel, to "live the scene", to see different aspects of it, to see different people.
Yet despite the numerous hangeouts, you still very easily feel empty inside. And I´ve realized, that more than anything, for the past couple of years the scene was either me and the computer, or me and Boris. Luckily, the small amount of people whom I can call my best friends, are the closest that I can categorize as a "scene", and it makes me happy and thankful for having them around me.
So I hope you have something inside or around you, that makes you feel belonged, makes you feel a part of something, even maybe feel like home. Sometimes we don´t want to admit it, but we need those other people, and we seek them constantly.