The Goth Challenge Days 8 + 9

Day 8: What's your worst and best experience with none goths?

I think it is enough to mention how life was hard as a goth back in Israel to give you the closest feeling of my worst experience. Let me just say that in Israel it is hell being alternative or different in any way. Whether it is you're being beaten ans teased at elementary school for loving dogs, or being constantly bugged, laughed and being pointed at while you're simply walking on the street. I had so many bad experiences being goth among the Israeli people I can continue writing till tomorrow.

But my best experience surprised me as well.
I was working at a tech-support call service center for 2 years. I began working there in age 19 right after I left my parents' house and continued till I left Israel. There were a lot of employees there, and they were separated into teams. I belonged to the "Russian team" as we only answered calls in Russian, and frankly our team was the most consolidated and together than any other. Now, as a Russian person I never had any Russian friends except Boris, because most Israeli Russians tend to be the opposite of intelligent, and kind of feel themselves better than any other. So I never tried nor wanted to belong to a Russian speaking group. The only Russian friends I had spoke Hebrew all the time and barely knew Russian.
But in our small tech-support theme something different happened.
We were very different, each came from a completely different and weird background. You had people who already had kids, you had your Russian jocks who cursed the world and talked about soccer all the time, and you had desperate students who only worked there to maintain their life while studying, or people who fiercely studied for years and couldn't find a job and were stuck at tech support.
And you had the "gothy" me.
We had so much fun working together, every one accepted another, we didn't laugh at others in our team, maybe gossiped sometimes ^^ I found a friends with whom I met from time to time, who even got to go with me to a gothic party. So the experience was amazing, working such a shitty job as tech support, and even getting the chance to laugh about it and spill your troubles out to your coworkers.
It made me realize than I can be a part of something without demanding that the people around me looked the same as I or having the same mind set. Before leaving I told my [amazing] boss that if the job wouldn't have been so horrible, I would have gladly stayed there, because you don't get such good atmosphere from such different people in every job. She totally agreed with me.

Day 9: What genre of music do you dislike?

I think it would be obvious to mention that alternative people dislike most kinds of music.
It would be more explicit to say that I hat the Rap, Hip Hop, Pop, Dance and what not shit you get on MTV nowadays. I really do dislike this music like most alternative people.
Here's a few more than might spill some light, maybe...

I really HATE:
- Brit Rock or Post Punk revival such as the Kooks, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Killers and stuff the like. I really hate this kind of music, it bores me and I think it has repeated itself enough of times.
- "Gothic" Metal. Come on guys, Nightwish has done their job well and long ago, no need to worship bands like Within Temptation, Sirenia, and what not because those amazing opera singers and musicians waste their talents playing the cheesiest and overdone music there is.
- Drum'n Bass. Because it makes me feel so uncomfortable and bad. Gives me a headache.
- Rap Metal. Bands like Limp Bizkit and Korn. Yuck..... I really like Deftones however, they are really nice.

I tend to spill shit all over bands mostly than genres, I would write here a disclaimer begging your pardon on my rudeness, but I won't because fuck you, that's why!
It is completely understood when one would say the same opinion about goth music. It is overdone and kitschy. But hell, I like it so much....

+ Nebel Violet +

Weekend Adventures + Outfit post

+ We saw a fox in front of out house. This is perhaps the first and most important thing I need to tell you guys about!
+ We went to the KitKat club, which is mainly a sex/ bdsm club, but Friday night was a normal party celebrating 10 years for das Schwarze Buch, and thanks to a good friend we could enter the party in half price [it was too expensive for us]. It was such an amazing party, the music was perfect, the club itself had a cool sexy atmosphere, and we had some funny memories of the half butt ass naked people there ;)
I suppose that the most exciting thing about KitKat was that in Israel I used to imagine the "german clubs" with a good friend as huge places that had several floors, a chill out zone and a very specific atmosphere. We would dream on going to such a place one day. Well, I can say that this Friday I had the opportunity to visit this "dream". It really was amazing.
+ We went to a Folk concert of a friend who plays contrabass, it was a lot of fun and Boris even played in one of the songs ^^

here are some pics of outfits lately, I generally had a good time the past few days, I had some mood swings and was just a bit depressive, but it was all gone as soon as I began doing different things each day and made myself busy.

Taking a walk. I love our neighborhood [Schoeneberg] so much!

 I am going crazy with graphical eyeliner lately. Funny that I really hate eyeliner, somehow I manage to use it quite well on my low-crease-Asian eyes.

 The most normal picture I could get of the makeup, pardon the weirdness, I was drunk.

 My outfit fir Friday. I actually wore only bra + netted shirt the entire evening, but ah well.... I am wearing warm white socks because we're at home. I wore my combats with this outfit. Pardon the awkwardness, I was drunk. 

I am dying for it to get warmer so I could ware my wincklepickers with these pants. I love how they make any outfit look Batcave-ish.

Speaking of [not really] I like it how after 2 weeks my haircut was done I can notice my hair growing again. I basically cut my hair to have long hair again. I already had to cut the fringe a little bit, and I believe in 2 months or so my hair would almost reach my shoulders. I am a bit exaggerating here, but my hair does grow pretty fast.

A sprinkle of some intelligent music for a change.

+ Nebel Violet +

Venus in Furs

Story time:

Almost a month ago Boris and I were walking to the underground train station after our language course has ended, it was 20:15 and the streets weren't as crowded. On our was walking the streets we stumbled across 2 mannequin torsos just standing there in front of a closed shop. 

Surprised, I decided we should take one home, because it's a free mannequin torso how awesome can it be? Boris after hesitating agreed, and so we rode the underground train with our new lady-friend-sex slave.

The torso was standing in our room for quite a while until I had a good idea how to properly decorate it:

 Before

 I gave her some tattoos, and she's wearing one of my collars and my old [CLEAN] thongs.

And now she's serving us as a belt hanger

What is more funny is that the day after we found the mannequins on the street we found 2 more standing in front of the same shop. I have no idea what happened to that second one whom we didn't take. Maybe she got taken to some nice perverted hands?

+ Nebel Violet +

Shoooooz + gothy shoe advice!

I realized I haven't shared this yet.
So last month I bought 2 pairs of shoes, because I was excited and greedy to have more shoes, there are absolutely no excuses to why I am obsessed with shoes so much, I just need to have more and more of them, and wear every pair so rarely that I would complain on how they still blister my feet after so much time had passed.
Logic is a quality I seldom lack...
However, this time [thank god] it was different.
I managed to find surprisingly enough some very special shoes.

First off were the creepers!

I was so happy to find these! They were 20 Euro at a completely normal shop called Deichman. I was so damn happy to find creepers without having the trouble of ordering them online! Funny that I had to buy size 38 which for me is crazy because I wear 39-40, but the other sizes were to big. They are really comfortable, yet I haven't had a chance to wear them a lot because it's still too cold, and only one layer of socks fit in them, just like with my wincklepickers.

The next pair of shoes were Deichman as well, and they were Buffallo like shoes!

I've been wanting a pair of Buffallos for a long time hence my love to Nu Goth and all those Japanese fashion pics on Tumblr. These amazing shoes were for 20 Euro as well, and I was so excited to find Buffallo fakes so quickly!!! It really made me happy, also because I've been wearing them none-stop because they are perfect for snow and fir multiple layers of socks! They also make every outfit look a bit different, a slight change from old school goth. They also look cyber-ish in some outfits which is nice. I really had much fun combining these with different looks. Should I post pictures of those outfits? I probably should...

Anywho,

There is something very pleasant in finding cheap fakes of shoes you were drooling on having for a long time. I used to find so many gothy shoes this way, in completely normal stores, and for a very low price. I think that it is even better to actually buy "gothic brand" shoes [or clothes, for that matter] because then you make these shoes your own, and I had lots of times people asking me where do I buy my shoes [or clothes lol], as if my shoes looked different from anybody else's.

That's why my message to you would be to search for "fakes" if you really want to get a certain shoe but the original is too expensive. It really has a nice feeling to it, because then you find an original piece, you make it your own, it's cheap enough to customize and it makes the shoe feel more personal ;)

Have an amazing Easter weekend or whatever. I don't celebrate jewish Easter nor Christian, so have fun with whatever it is that you'll be doing!

Absolutely amazing band and song.

+ Nebel Violet +

Gothic Music- where NOT to begin!!!

This is an informative/ completely useless rant post I've been craving on doing for quite some time now.
The reason for me going to shit all over tons of classic gothic bands right now is simply because I want to clear a point that is mistaken to be right, but essentially it is ridiculous and overrated.
What the hell am I talking about?
Alright. So as most may know, in any gothic website/ article/ youtuber there is a section that tells you what gothic music is and what bands you should listen to if you want to explore the gothic subculture. Mostly these "sections" give you an overview of how gothic music started [which is mostly well written], however there are tons of "how to"'s on where to begin with gothic music. I personally came across a lot of videos from well known gothy youtubers in the community that proved these sort of tips just because they were asked to do it. It is mostly done by my favorite youtubers, such as Allison, Sebastian Columbine or Kill Natalie I believe.

Now, I think that to tell someone he should listen to Joy Division/ Siouxsie to get into gothic music is wrong. I think that generally pointing out the mothers and fathers of gothic rock saying that you should begin ONLY with them is a mistake.
Why?
Because I believe that is elitism, and if there's something I don't like in the goth community is elitism. The first time I heard Siouxsie and Joy Division was when I was like 15-16, I was all into Classic rock and Prog Rock, and when I heard Ian Curtis' boring voice, the lack of power and energy in every song it just made me mad. And I asked myself- how can this be the gothic music I was looking for? I literary disliked Joy Division for a long time until I began to understand how amazing their music is. I also wrote about Siouxsie here, because frankly I didn't like what she did when I first got into goth. I do like her now, but I must tell you that Xmal Deutschlad always had a bigger impact on me than her.

And then there's obviously the beloved Sisters of Mercy and Christian Death, and bands that sound completely the same you can't differ them from one another. I seriously dislike those two so much, again, because in my opinion these bands are completely boring and overrated. I don't think that if you're goth you it is a must to listen to these band every amount of time, for hell's sake it's not a medication, it is completely ok to dislike a massive amount of classic gothic rock bands, because you simply don't enjoy the music. A lot of people think it is weird and impossible, but it is, and the gothic subculture has so much more to offer.
One could also find the Batcave music ridiculous and perverted, for that matter.

Another very important thing I want to mention is that one should not listen to a specific genre of music nor specific bands in that genre just because he is told to do so. If you are first getting into goth, then you should follow what your heart tells you. This is the most important thing when wanting to get into goth, especially music. I assume that people don't just fall into the subculture out of nowhere- they've been into phases [or whatever] before, listened to a hell lot of music before. So let's just put it as an example- if one came into the subculture out of Metal music [and there are a hell lot, I'm one of them] I doubt he would enjoy listening to something as calm as The Cure, who for the most part expand more than of the "gothic music" category for like 80% of their music. Maybe he would enjoy listening to Industrial music, maybe he would enjoy listening to some cheesy but romantic Lacrimosa, which then would lead him to more classy bands.

Here's an experience of mine that I would like to share: when I was exploring the gothic subculture for the first time, I was sitting days online reading tons of websites, more than a half were rubbish. But then I cam across a really old and simple website called Gothic Nederland [link in the right column] which listen a lot of bands by every genre that gothic music has to offer. At that time I didn't check out even one of these bands, but I kept that long list in mind. And then something else happened- I was influenced from the people I saw on the internet. I was spending 90% of my time reading Israeli blogs, and I noticed that most of these people mentioned several bands that they listen to. Great, I thought, I shall try these bands to be as cool as the gothy bloggers who were older than me, and maybe will have a chance to get closer to them.
That's how I've decided to listen to Bauhaus, and I only chose to listen to them first because I liked the name. That's it, nobody even told me that they were so important and blah blah blah.
And how was it? It was amazing. I spent 2 years listening basically only to them. After that I came back to Gothic Bederland to see what other band were in the list, and that's how I've started listening to Sopor Aeternus, which is also freakishly weird in comparison to other "classical gothic bands".

What I want to say here [after so many paragraphs or rambling] is that you should follow your feelings when you want to explore gothic music. There are a few people who actually listen and enjoy Einstuerzende Neubauten, an amazing band one should be deaf in order to enjoy it [I looovee them]. There are tons of amazing bands out there, but it just happens to be you won't like nor understand them for the first time. Maybe it means that you'd have to go through a certain path on musical taste in order to fully feel and enjoy the traditional gothic music. Which is fine, that's how it's supposed to be. This music is so great, that I believe one should experience different styles before getting into it, before fully understanding it. Because let's face it- we can always find something new within the gothic music, even if it's a song you heard numerous amount of times. Which is why if one is making his first steps in the subculture, the music should take the most patience in evolving and revealing itself around him.

+ Nebel Violet +

First time photographing other people- the experience

Last night I had caught some weird intoxication after drinking beer and eating snacks at home. I woke up with a horrible stomach ache and I vomited. I have been so tired today crushed by a strong headache. I hate being intoxicated, it tends to happen to me quite a lot. Therefore it had been really hard for to work on editing some photos and doing a research on something I've wanted for a long time now.

I have news: yesterday was my first ever photo shoot with other people. It was an Israeli cello player who has a trio here in Germany and she requested me to take "profile" pictures of them for the following concerts. She knew I wasn't professional so it wasn't payed, and to tell you the truth, I'm kind of glad it wasn't because it was so damn hard I wasn't quite happy of the way I was working.
However, this was indeed fun, and I finally understood how the other photographs who took pictures of me as a model worked. It is really hard to multitask everything at once [I am unable of multitasking, btw]: you have to set the camera properly, not to mention re-setting the contrast and light almost every 2 minutes [and it was only a semi prof. camera], telling the nice people not to look like they are visiting a funeral but to smile, to think about something fun, to sit, to stand, to hold the instrument in one way or another, to look at each other, to walk from one location to the other etc etc.
I now realize how freaking hard it is to do all those things, not to mention still smile and act natural, create a nice atmosphere and the like.
I was very confused and a bit embarrassed of myself, because in the middle of the photo shoot my battery suddenly died although I charged it in the morning of that day [clearly not enough...] so we had to search for batteries around the house, which was so stupid of me... also I was kind of disappointed of my camera, which is perfect for black and white shoots and really dark places, tends to loose the natural color of the location and add too much light. I edited everything in Picasa 3 as usual, it really helped to achieve the result that I wanted.

Another funny and frustrating thing for me was to make completely normal photos when I was used to make super gothy and dark creations for several years now. It is stupid, because this is why one shouldn't focus only on one style of photography to achieve a certain level, it's relevant to every subject in life, and it's very important. I hope I did a good normal job. Most people want themselves to look natural and nice in photographs rather than alternative and outgoing.

Here are some pics that I want to share, what do you think?

I am glad that in the photos you can sense they are really together as a group, and when they smile it looks really nice, like they are having a good time. It was really important for me to show. I really hope they liked it, I am glad I had a chance to work and gain experience with such nice people.

+ Nebel Violet +

Your past and your journey.

Since we've moved to Berlin we've met so many interesting people from all over the world, and many of them came here for the same reason as us.
It is funny that for German people who live here, knowing you were born in country A, speak language B, moved to country C to speak language D only to move to country E is very strange.
It is often that I remember here that this is exactly what I have been through for all my life- moving around. I never lived in one land for too long to make it my homeland, I can't even tell what that means. I only lived for 15 years in Israel only to discover from almost the very beginning that I hate to live where my parents had brought me. I can't say it was a waste to live in Israel, because I only won by knowing another language that I like using, knowing myself and where I want to be, and for the best part- meeting my first love, and knowing that this would be the man I would spend my entire life with.
But I can't say I am not afraid that Germany won't serve me as a home more than as a stopping point. I really want to find a place where I would feel I can settle and know I can make a future in, but I know there would be a lot traveling ahead, and I am yet not expecting to find my "home" so easily. However, sometimes I feel sad for myself [luckily not as much as in the past] that I always have to move from one place to another and work hard to find a place like home. I think that among the other things in my life this is the most important one for me to do. I can sat I sometimes envy people who can live in one city for the rest of their lives having a patriotic and connected feeling with their country, without having the effort to find a special place for themselves. But I assume those people have problems of their own ;)
I think that what made strong the feeling of unfitting in my soul was all those migrations from one country to another when I was little. Not to mention that it was really hard for me to go to first class in Israel not only not knowing the language, but having no clue what school really was like, because I never attended kindergarten a lot hence I was sick for long periods when I was like 3-5 years old. I imagine that the school bullying that followed made everything worse, made me feel rejected and different. By the way, I didn't want to be different when I was a kid. I wanted to be just like everyone else in the class, without being bugged or called names. My mom always told me I was special and beautiful and made my hair pretty with ribbons and accessories, which would be stolen by other kids from the different schools I would attend each year, because in Israel we moved apartments frequently, and also because it was so uncool to wear huge accessories to your hair... Most kids don't want to be alternative or different, they ant to blend...
In addition to all this, I can also assume that when my brother was born, I was 8, and I realized that I will always live with him in the same room for the rest of my life. It was such a doomed feeling for me, I was angry at my parents more and more as I grew up for not having my private space, for never having it because they didn't have enough money to rent a bigger flat, and they never would have, nor they never understood how important it is for a growing up child to have his own room. When I was younger I literary saw this as the tragedy of my life and I hated everybody. This is something you could easily see as exaggerated feelings, but they only made me want one thing- get the hell out and far away from my parents' house. Something that I did achieve on my own by moving with Boris to an apartment when I was 19.
I won't get into details of my relationship with my family and the relationship of my mom and dad with one another, that is far too long and not as bad as I may portray it, nor my critique about them would be relevant here.

I am not trying to complain to you by writing it [I secretly am, but you don't mind I guess], I am only saying that by understanding the things that hurt you, you can know how you can repair the broken parts of your soul, or at least understand where all your negative feelings are coming from, and why are you acting or thinking this and that. For many many years I was feeling that everyone was against me, and I still kind of feel it in the relationship with my mother or other people. But it is very important to know your weaknesses and traumas, to know how to become a stronger person who will live in harmony with himself and the others. And more importantly- would be able to raise a family of his own in the future.

By the way, here's my new haircut.

Pardon the depressive note this post ends in, but there haven't been such thoughts in my life for some time now, and I was getting worried I was in denial or something or merely sweeping these memories and feelings under the rug. I had to nourish myself a bit by letting it out.

Maybe you also have feelings like those regarding home and family? I would love to hear about it and talk, to help you and me bring a smile on each other's face.

Have a good week everyone!