Post Punk bands and Updates!

Hey there you guys!
On a contrary to previous posts I can say that I am no longer depressed, thank you for cheering me up, reading your comments made me feel very good, but in the end it was just a passing low mood as it always does. I am alive and full of energy to create and be who I am for the following month. I hope that those things that worry me won't concern me as much and I will give the best I can.

The past week I made some friends, it is very nice to spend time with people whom you don't need to explain which kind of music is Post Punk! It was such a nice feeling to make a conversation flow like water with the themes we all love so much. I can say that I am experiencing myself literary as part of the subculture, which is something I never felt before.
Talk about experiences, Berlin has such a big variety of goth parties you can attend! Aren't in a mood for synthpop? Go check the New Wave party or the Cold Wave/ Minimal Synth shit with lots of people until 7 am!
This is so crazy, it is something I never even dreamed of! To be able to choose from several gothic parties per night? Fucking shit man!

I was also so happy to be introduced to a lot of post punk and cold wave bands thanks to a new friend Marta, the singer of Tanzkommando Untergang. The band will be playing with Spear of Destiny in February!!! I cannot wait to see that I am so happy for them!!!
Regarding to the new music I was introduced to, I would really want to make several posts for you guys, hoping I would show someone here something new, because this is so interesting for me it makes me happy so much!

recently bought this dress from a second hand shop

Here's a random fun fact: I was so surprised to find out that not only I am familiar with Neva, the French cold wave band! I am living in the middle of everything, this feels amazing!
After living in the middle of nowhere only praying for having so many people who can exist among you who are interested in the same things, having the chance to see bands that I love in concerts and going to awesome parties, I don't even have the words to describe how does it feel! It sounds like bragging, but after walking the streets here you understand why the whole world is located here beside you!

You have to hear this it's an amazing russian post punk band! I was really impressed :)

Utro [Morning] with their song Ritual.

+ Nebel Violet +

Something inside me has died

It was funny to see all the lights of the city as we walked the cold snowy streets, but it wasn't really cold because we were so warm inside.
Listening to this beautiful music, knowing that you in a safe place surrounded by people who think like you and the odd chance that you will be understood finally seems close.

It was in the underground, literary, like in a huge grave where there are other people looking like you, some interesting and colorful and some just dressed in black.. but the beautiful lights were everywhere, and the music was coming from inside the ground and into your heart. I felt happy, though I knew what will come of it when it has ended.

Because after such parties and fun, drinks and people that I like so much, I always feel very very alone and distant from the rest of the world. And it doesn't matter where in the globe I will be located, this lonesome feeling will always be there. And it doesn't matter who loves me and cares about me, they will never ever understand how I feel, although they can forever try....

I hate compassion and caring from others, because I cannot explain myself to other people. I am afraid that whenever I begin a conversation it is always about myself and it gets darker and sadder. People always talk about fun things, I'm just not as interested in those subjects. I want to talk about dread, about loneliness and fear, about the things that torture me all my life and no one can understand them but me.

I don't feel like smiling today, I am sorry. I don't want to see anybody, I want everyone to be gone and the walls to turn black and the sun to hide behind a cloud.
I feel like being pretty and ugly at the same time.

Angst

These past few days have been very hard on me.
So much to do and everything feels so new! I sometimes amuse myself how I often say that i have chosen a difficult path and then get surprised it is so difficult...

In February I will have my entrance exams for the art school to study fashion design. My heart kind of aches because I am more passionate to study photography, but unfortunately as it seems, I will have problems considering my visa if I will apply for a private school and not for a governmental facility. And every school for photography is a private school which offers no BA whatsoever, so I'm left for fighting it to get into the fashion studies, which I've wanted for a long time, but I'm afraid I won't be happy there.

Which brings me to further panic [as always], because in February my entrance exams seem pretty intense  Not only will I have to handle a portfolio and a homework assignment, I will also have to spend 3 days in the school literary competing with other people like me doing all sorts of creative assignments, on which will be based the final decision whether I would be accepted or not.
I am really afraid not to be accepted, because then I will have to search for a different place to study only next year, and applying for 2 places at the same time is complicated.
And if I will not be accepted anywhere then my dream of living in Germany will be kind of dead. And I cannot go back to Israel even if it will cost me a lifetime. That was my decision.

 I am in a mood for fighting my way no matter what, but sometimes, and without the support of my family or friends, my self confidence fades away as if it never was there [never was actually] and I begin to think I will not be able to make it although I keep on telling myself that I have the strength.
But from the other hand, as Carlos Ruiz Safon had said, what's the point in succeeding with your goals if you are receiving support from your family?
True in my case.

I think I wrote it in my last post, that I tend to pity myself. Well, I guess denying it would be foolish.
But the thing that I am most afraid of, is if everything will eventually be alright, and I will not even realize it. I will think that my life in sinking no matter how much I have tried and I will raise my hands and give up, letting everything pass me by without noticing any progress.

Since I cane to Berlin I keep asking myself what do I really want here. Because studying is just a cover for living here.

Tu Blog Me Inspira Award

Yay I got tagged in this spanish award thing by the lovely OddGhoul Out of Bats in the Belfry, Cats in the Attic
Thank you so much!!

I have to write 5 weird fact about myself and tag 15 other people. The problem is that I already was tagged in something similar so i don't know how much I can add here. And also most of the bloggers I know were already tagged. But whatever :D

1. Every time a person passes me on the street, and the moment when we cross each other I feel stressed, just fro a brief second, that our hands or shoulders might touch. It is very awkward.

2. I never wear my hair in a pony tail, it is always loose. I only gather my hair  whenever it is dirty and I didn't have time to wash it [because my head begins to itch and it annoys me].

3. I never curse in Russian [my mother language]. I always curse like a sailor in hebrew and english, but cursing in Russian just feels very weird, because russian curses and extremely hardcore, for me personally. I was also raised not to say those words in my mother language because it is so inappropriate.

4. My lips are always dry. No matter what lip balm or lipstick I use, they are constantly dry, especially when I use lipstick. They peel off all the time.

5. I love seeing the people around me as sort of animals. Each person resembles an animal, including myself. It is a very nice way to view people, because I love animals so much, and it helps to understand people. It's this kind of fetish we share with Boris.

Now I shall tag:

LivingHellDoll of New Black Life
Lali of V E R U Z K A S
MK of MK's Little Cabinet of Curiosities

Here that's it, is that ok? Sorry, don't feel like tagging lol

See you guys soon, I have some posts I want to write here :)

+ Nebel Violet +

The Goth Challenge ~ Day 3 & 4

Day 3: When did you come out of the Goth closet?

When I left my parents' house, when I was about 19. Before hand I was just me with no actual labeling, but I assume my mother suspected there was something that identified my alternative way of being myself.
I think some time before I moved to live with Boris I caught my mom searching for "what is Goth?" websites. I told her she was searching the wrong source...
It's hard for me to actually define where I came out, because it was never a big secret. My parents just noticed me wearing fishnets, ripped stockings, wearing lots of studs and chains. I never explained to my mother what this was about, thought I've told her that I am listening to Goth music and going to Goth clubs, but I never really had this goth talk with her explaining what is goth, simply because she wouldn't understand. However, she always encouraged me to dress the way I like and always complimented me on outfits and makeup, which I like that she is doing and appreciate it.

Day 4: Name a stereotype or cliche you can relate to.

Funny, but there's a lot.
I love bats, they are cute! I love everything with bats!
I love crosses including inverted ones. It's the most perfect symbols ever created, it always fits!
I wear only silver jewelry, I hate gold!
Sadly, but I get depressed a lot and tend to woe and pity myself constantly. It doesn't help me live, btw.

♥

Snow!

Hey there you guys! I am officially alive and happily spending my time in Berlin!
It's been 4 days since we've arrived, first 2 days were horrible because the cold was very new to us [and well, cold], we had some errands to do that were very difficult because one thing followed another, so we couldn't proceed doing things we need because of biorocratic stuff.
But nonetheless, after 2 days of couchsurfing we finally found a WG [Wohngemeinschaft, where several people live in an appartment together] and we even met finally some Goth people that we were in contact with on facebook, and also went to a punk concert and saw Tanzkommando Untergang!!
I was so happy yesterday, and I can say I'm happy every day here! The people are beautiful and nice, and polite [I actually forgot what politeness was living in Israel all my life]. The Goth scene here looks amazing, we haven't been to parties or other more related concerts yet but with the help of our new friends of Tanzcommando, who also came to Berlin out of nowhere like us, I am assure you there would be lots of adventures!

Here are some photos of us walking around the city, because we have to know it somehow, but the amazing snow and cold kind of made it hard for us. But we survived, with 3 layers of stockings and 3 layers of socks!

The view from our window in the first morning. We were like, fuck, we haven't seen snow in like 20 years!!

 This how I look basically every day wrapped in layers.

Going to see Tanzcommando!

And I'd also like to share this journal that I bought from a completely normal shop in the underground.

Gothic! Woow!! It was standing there next to Orkus. My god....
I am so happy I'm in Deutschland!!!!

More updates are soon to come, I am going to eat breakfast!

Hope you are all doing well!

+ Nebel Violet +

Germany Here I Come!

Hi everyone!
My last post from Israel! I can't believe that in a few hours I'll be on a train to the airport leaving for my adventure! I can't wait to begin, I'm happy and terrified!
I hope to write here again soon about how things are going on.

I also have good news:
Yesterday I received a letter from the Weissensee school of art in Berlin. I've sent my application like a month ago and it arrived one day after deadline, but they've replied in the middle of January [as the website says] and they invite me to handle my portfolio and home assignment!!
I was so excited and happy, not to mention I even forgot that I've been waiting for their answer lol...
Looks like I'll be doing my best to pass the exams for fashion design studies! Ahhh I am so happy!!!

I'm off now for more packing, showering and dressing up.
If I'll have a chance to write from the airport [WIFI?] I'll do my best.

Bye bye my lovelies,
Wish me luck!

+ Nebel Violet +