We are engaged!

After almost 8 years of friendship and love Boris proposed to me in our favorite "all you can eat" sushi bar. I couldn´t wipe the smile off my face for the entire day yesterday!!!!

It´s funny, since we´ve been talking about it for a long time now, not in an awkward way at all, because since our 1 month anniversary I knew we will be together forever and that I have found the only one in my life!

Yet still I was so surprised and excited...

Fun Fact: since we stuff ourselves like pigs in that "all you can eat" place we were joking for a while now that we should get married there. Well there you have it XD

Of course with no further ado, the ring:

Fun Fact 2: the ring is big on me, which is okay since it´s impossible to find a ring for my skeleton fingers! Like I seriously can wear only children sized rings. Boris said this was the smallest size, and it still so funny because I have predicted long ago that this would happen XD I would go to a goldsmith to make it smaller since I love it so much I want to wear it with pride and never take it off!

So much for good news! I actually didn´t know what engaged meant until now lol. One thing for sure, Boris and I are so happy we are far away from all our relatives and probably won´t do anything ceremonial for the wedding. We hate that crap, I hate wedding dresses (nor do I love most of my relatives and the ones I would love to invite are in Uzbekistan from my mother´s side anyway).
Next step is to figure out the bureaucratic procedure which should definitely be fun ;)

I am so so happy, something in making a commitment officially doesn´t leave a cynical asshole like me untouched. Everything inside me is blooming with love!

N. Finsternis  

A few pictures from last night

Feel like posting some pictures since my hair has grown quite nicely and the fringe is progressing well towards the desired length (which would still require clipping it in the end but whatever I´m used to it).

Yesterday we went to see 2 local post punk bands: Love Lanes and Dead Sentries (drummer plays in both bands lol). Love Lanes were great, they were very energetic with some good bluesy synths, reminded us of Stranglers and The Horrors, which is marvelous!

I wore a new buttoned up shirt I found at a second hand store last week. I really love the pattern, though it was slightly too hot for the evening, it´s even 21 degrees at night, crazy!

After being sick this week I had pleasure taking care of myself- washing hair, shaving and doing eyebrows, putting on makeup again. Apparently amazing things happen when I sharped my eyebrow pencil. Sorry that all pics are either sepia or black and white, since I took the pictures without flash and everything was orange. All is better but orange (my camera is generally bad with color photography, black and white though....)

Fun Fact: I am growing out my hair to have it waist length again (to probably shop it off later on like I well know myself....), and growing out my fringe until it is no more. However, I cannot not clip the hair around my face, since it´s always falling on my face and it´s infuriating. Regardless of hairstyle (well unless I had a fringe which solved the problem) I´ve always clipped my hair! Wearing a hair bow is not in question since embarrassing childhood pictures from when I was 12...

Not to brag here or anything (oh who am I kidding?) but my hair is actually growing well despite being bleached. Although some tips are already dry despite me having them cut more than a month ago, but generally the entire hair feels good and not dried out.
I still panic slightly whenever I am in the shower putting aside masses of hair sheds and try to use flat iron or backcombing as less as possible, but all in all I am happy that in half a year my hair went from emo-short half black-half natural roots to slightly longer than shoulder length with being bleached every 2 months regularly.

Have a great week everyone!

N. Finsternis

Outfit Of The Night- castle vampire party!

This saturday we went to Tanz der Vampyre, a yearly party held in the castle Zitadelle. We went there last year and it was amazing, so we couldn´t resists going again!

We didn´t take pictures this time unfortunately, but the evening was a lot of fun with great music and a lot of socializing with friends as well as meeting new people.

I´ve wanted to get the nude-goth look again for Summer (and because it´s like 30 degrees every day here!!) so I just wore my shorts (which are leggings cut out very short), knee-highs. a bra and a fishnet top. I also had one of my favorite lace scarves tied to my waist (to not bare my ass too much) but you cannot see that in the picture too well.

Though I´d love to lazy around some more I have quite a lot to accomplish with some more University matters:
I have to write 2 papers and in the meantime find a place where I would to practical work next semester, starting from October. I am honestly terrified of that, mainly that my German skills won´t be enough, or I won´t find a proper place in time and would have to postpone a lot of seminars to another later on. This procedure involves some hardcore bureaucracy, and we all know how it´s loved in Germany...
But what I DO know is the direction I would like to go within the social work field (which is enormous, so that´s a good start). I sort of comfort myself in the languages I know, especially Russian since working with immigrants is what I am planning on specializing in, that is to say- do as much practical work in the field as possible and hopefully find a job later on. My strategy thinking sort of comforts me here as well, since as you all know, I would kill to stay in Germany ;)

So much for worries in the beginning of the week! 

N. Finsternis

Style! It! Takes! pictures and end of semester!

After doing my exam yesterday I can finally sigh in relief and greet the summer vacation! Although the exam was only one of a few things that should have been off my back, I feel like more lazy than ever and all I want to do is either go for walks for hours on end or sit at home having quality internet times. You can guess which one of those I have been practicing lately.

Last saturday we had a lot of fun on the fashion and music event, Style! It! Takes!, which I introduced in this post.
I performed a pantomime/ theatrical piece for one of The Wings Of Desire´s songs, alongside the beautiful Lena who played her clarinet in all of the songs. I can sort of share the news with you that Boris´ project expands and we are now officially 3 people, and I am so excited about that!

Performing on stage (again frequently, as I have not done so since my baroque music days in high school) is a huge pleasure to me, which makes me more happy and powerful than playing music as a whole. I´ve always loved the stage, yet I feel a lot better "doing things" on it that attracts attention and gives people something to think about, rather than producing music. 

There is no video unfortunately but a dear friend took some photos that look rather occvlt than what was actually happening, but who´s complaining, right?

 

Another few were taken by House Of Rough Arts:

 

Later on I had the honor to wear an extraordinary head piece by the designer Yan, who makes very unusual hats. I must admit that I am not a hat wearer at all, so it was new to me having to wear something on my head ;) the fun part was the installation process, and how the whole thing became a "part of me", hehe.

Yan installing the hat on me

And what did I need the hat for? To dance to PATOKAI and his synth punk music (Yan´s husband btw). I had a lot of fun being (again) on stage, it felt great and the music was a lot of fun :)

Lastly, the photographer of House Of Rough Arts was so nice to make some extra pics outside the venue, which turned out very lovely. I haven´t modeled for ages now, sure miss that!

wore high heels all night, switching to my combats was a privilege.

We had a great time at the event which was all in all very interesting and diverse: from a fashion show, burlesque pet-play performance and post punk music. Though being behind the curtain of the event we still had a blast, and I kind of wish being part of such festivities more often.

There will be probably more pics to come and announcments to make, since my summer (and early autumn) vacation is going to be pretty adventurous.

Have a wonderful almost weekend everyone!

N. Fintsernis

We´ve moved!

Moving was so exhausting that I am still in a constant state of tireness, although we´ve slept dead all weekend.
Our 2 room apartment which we were fortunate to get from the student committee (after being on the waiting list for half a year) is beautiful, we like every bit of it and last weekend and each day of this week we are went shopping for supplies, food and what not.
However we still prevent ourselves from fully unpacking, since the windows in our dorm are being replaced to new ones, and so (hopefully) tomorrow the polish workers will come banging on the walls of our flat! It´s not fun waking up to drills and hammers every morning, but we were warned in advanced and frankly we are so grateful to receive our first apartment in Berlin we don´t care about the noise that much. I can´t wait for them to replace the windows at out place, clean everything up and start decorating! I cannot feel at home yet without our stolen posters and framed photos hanging around :)

This is a geographical overview for where we´ve been living almost a year, and where we have moved:

The old place in the neighborhood (or should I say, suburbs far away from anything)  was an hour and 10 min. from our university, while the new place is obviously nearer (25 min.!).

We do not live near the center, but it´s a huge difference now, since from the old place we had to get 2 trains to get near all our favorite places, and from the new place everything is only in 1 train away!

Plus I am a thousand times grateful to get a place of our own, since I despise flat shares (we were forced to live in one since we got to Berlin because we didn´t have a steady income and the proper documents to get an apartment).

But enough said about all those details which probably mean nothing to you and I am glad they are a part of the past now.

The last couple of weeks have been psychologically difficult for me, and I am not quite sure if I am out of that pit or not, despite the happiness of moving. I find it lately very difficult to cope with changes and overcome mental struggles, especially when it comes to self esteem and being positive. I don´t know what has happened to me, but I was even forced to leave work yesterday and get a break until my exams in mid. July will be over. Sometimes I do not understand people nor myself, sometimes I can´t cooperate in a social environment, like it´s a challenge for me to merely speak out or communicate with other people, not to mention working in a job. I am thinking of seeking professional help, since the student committee offers such service for free. I feel like I am growing weaker and more depressive with time, and I fear that after the end of the semester I won´t be able to enjoy my summer vacation because of being anxious and worrying. I find myself clouded by anger from being envious too often, and it makes me really scared. I feel as if since we´ve accomplished moving to Berlin, one of the main feelings in my heart was envying the things other people had and I didn´t. I´ve never felt this way before in my life and it is a quality I am fighting to get rid off. 

So much for updates. One of my favorite things to do though since we still have no internet in the new flat, is to just sit and read before bed. I´ve been wanting to read for such a long time I feel like a teenager again while reading, like I used to do so often in high school.

Have a lovely and relaying weekend everyone, hopefully I will be able to update regularly after my exams!

N. Finsternis