Face Of The -before I got sick- Day

So the past week I had been struggling with the flew, lying all day in bed watching Pretty Little Liars. It was a bummer but I got better quite fast. Yet when I could finally feel my taste buds without mucus preventing me from enjoying foods, 2 of my yet completely grown out wisdom teeth decided to take advantage of my weak body and cause an inflammation. I am used to wisdom teeth making my life hell, I had inflammation in them for like 4 times, dentists keeping persuading me that I should take them out. The trouble is that they are not 4 quarters out yet, and each time they grow a little, they hurt terribly, and as long as I have inflammation I cannot take the tooth out. Not to mention I'd rather keep all my teeth instead of getting rid of them. [but I've promised myself that if I'd decide to do so, I'll definitely make an earring from the tooth].

So these are the reasons I haven't been posting as regularly as usual. Taking antibiotics now, hopefully this whole thing would be over till my Birthday on the 5th of October so I could drink alcohol at least.

Anyway, here's the last showing worthy makeup thing I did before getting sick.

Eyebrows + Eyeliner: Catrice Gel liner -cruelty free-

Eyeshadow Base: Catrice [not very fond of it though...]

Purple eyeshadow: An eyeshadow palette I got as a gift long time ago, Careline, Israeli brand -cruelty free-

Mascara: Manhattan -cruelty free-

Lipstick: Very Purple by Careline

Concealer under eyes: Jade, Israeli brand -cruelty free- + Powder by Manhattan.

This look reminds me of the way I used to do my makeup back in Israel, about a year before moving to Berlin, when I had my eyebrows shaved off. I love to draw these kind of eyebrows, kind of missed that.

Sadly the color of the lipstick is barely seen in these pics. It a gorgeous shade of purple, a warm shade however [I prefer cooler shades] but very rich and stays for long. If any of my dear readers in Israel want to check out a great dark purple lipstick, I definitely recommend Careline, a great brand with great products, also cruelty free and not over the top prices.

Also, roots need to be colored and I need to trim my tips a little because the coloring process did damage them, not drastically, but they don't feel smooth anymore.

N. Finsternis

Concerts: The Bellicose Minds, Belgrado & Substitute?

Friday this triple concert took place in Kastanienkeller, an underground venue which I haven't visited yet. It was awesome, great atmosphere for very cheap beer prices.
I was looking forward to see Belgrado, since I am familiar with their first releases, they've sounded very punk-ish to me and I was really excited to hear them live, also because they are one of the bands I've discovered here in Berlin :)

The first band who opened the show were Substitute?, a [apparently] new band. Personally their music didn't touch me, it was too punk for me, but the performance was cool. I especially enjoyed their lead guitarist and basist. I couldn't find their Facebook page unfortunately :(

Belgrado were awesome, mostly because I was surprised to hear more post punk than actual punk. The performance was great, and the music was clear and fun, all instruments were very delicate but nonetheless there was something dark and serious in each song. I think that Belgrado are a great example of what post punk sound like nowadays. Unfortunately, the odd crowd going crazy with the pogo really made it difficult to enjoy the music. Why the hell these people must do pogo to such music??? There was nothing to pogo about in Belgrado, I enjoyed listening to them without having the need to crush and stomp the people around me. It's not that kind of music. Stupid people.

I had no idea who The Bellicose Minds were until a friend sent me their stuff a day before the gig. I was impressed and very curious to hear them live. To say the least, I haven't been so taken by a new post punk band for a long time. They were absolutely perfect. I loved everything, the music, the lyrics, their ideas, I just can't describe how satisfied I felt inside when recognizing well loved influences in their music, and that making them sound very authentic. In my opinion, this band is exactly what post punk should sound like. Seriously, I fell in love with them. I highly recommend you to check them out, they are amazing!! I think they are one of my favorite contemporary bands, along with Cold In Berlin and Lebanon Hanover.

Anyway, here are some pics:

Substitute?

The Bellicose Minds

Belgrado

More pics on my Facebook page.

I think that both Belgrado and The Bellicose Minds are a great example of how old school goth revives itself today. Back in Israel I couldn't dream of seeing those kind of bands live, not to mention having no clue that there are still people today who make such great music, bringing their love for cult bands such as Joy Division and Xmal Deutschland and many others into their own unique style.

That's why I was so happy inside after the concert. It was so interesting to witness this change, a very good change in the subculture, that commemorates the old school movement with the new. This is just my impression at least. Also, both played very professionally, and it was delightful to hear.

What struck me was the diversity of the crowd: punks, pastel goths, fucking hipsters and what not. How interesting it was to see what kind of audience that music attracted, and frankly I don't mean to mention this in a negative aspect. To see different groups of alternative people going to see the same bands is very respectful both for the bands and for the scene.

This concludes my "behold the graveyard scene" post. Check out the bands and I hope you will like them!

Forgive me for repeating myself but- go to see live music! Support your local goth/post punk bands! Especially if you live in a place where such events occur once in a decade [ehm, Israel]. :)

N. Finsternis

The Goth Challenge: Days 12, 13, 14 & 15

Day 12: What's your gothic inspiration?

I already did a gothic inspiration back in my few first posts here, here it is.
I find this question really confusing, because I was [and currently] inspired by so many things.
When I just got into goth I was inspired by anime and gothic lolita, through the years it has been the immortal babybat favorite- romantic goth/ victorian.
For the last couple of years I have been inspired by Nu Goth, Deathrock, Punk, Oldschool Goth and Boho Shick. Other things affect my style such as Wicca, witchy Tumblrs and Grunge. I find it really had to put a finger on directly what's been "gothicly" inspiring me lately. DIY galore inspires me all the time and kind of makes me look at my style differently each time!

Day 13: What was your first band t-shirt?

I've mentioned this also before. Back in highschool when Boris and I discovered Einstuerzende Neubauten we were so dazzled by them, I asked Boris to make a diy shirt for me with their symbol. We had no option nor money to buy band t-shirts, nor were the t-shirts with our favorite bands sold anywhere. This was the result:

When I modeled for a friend. I am 19 here.

I wore this shirt so proudly until the paint wore off, and the shirt itself, which I've managed to get from a classmate who wanted to dispose it, became grey.

Day 14: What's your best and worst DIY disaster?

My worst was a long sleeves purple shirt that I cut in junior high. I cut a heart on the area where my nipple was, and one sleeve was torn in a Peter Pan-like way. It looked so bad and didn't match with anything.

My best would probably be my skirt/ garter pants I made with Boris' mother, shown in this post.

Along with my diy jacket filled with diy patches [shown here], and my new punk vest, shown here.

Day 15: Your favorite and most expensive item in your wardrobe.

See the picture above of my modeling days? I wore fake leather pants, which have costed a lot, 500 Israeli Shekels, about 141 US Dollars and 105 Euro!

My mother helped me buy them, and they were absolutely amazing for about 2 years, they were one of the "key" items for a better gothy wardrobe, and I've worn them until the leather began to crust, nowhere else but in the crotch area. So unfortunately I don't wear them anymore.

My current most expensive item would have to be my Demonias, which Boris has bought me as a gift for my 21st Birthday, I don't remember how much they were, he got it off Ebay.

On a side note, blog's headline was changed from crappy Greek-like English imitating letters, to Russian. I did this because a friend who speaks Greek told me that the letters weren't placed properly, and it turned out that it looked "Deus Ex Machina" only to me. So to avoid more stupidity I've decided to write the same headline with Russian mixed with English, that way at least I will know it's incorrectly spelled. ;)

Also, today I'm attending yet another concert, which I am very excited about! Belgrado, The Bellicose Minds and Substitute [not familiar with them] are going to perform and I am stoked on taking some pictures!! I was more excited to see Belgrado first, because I didn't know who The Bellicose Minds were, but then a friend sent me links to their songs and they sounded awesome! I've been also recommended to see them both live.

Have an amazing grey weekend everyone!

N. Finsternis

First Real Combat Boots

It has been time since I've shared this with you. About a month ago I've bought new boots, as in- real combat boots.

Finding no previous pics of former combat boots, I shall lay down the story for you:
I've had 2 pairs of boots in my life, both fakes of the real thing [the ones that have lacing but a zipper as well]. The first pair my mother bought me when I was like 16, I've been nagging her to go buy shoes with me, but had no idea which kind I've wanted. We've browsed the shopping mall until my eyes [kilometers away from the target, yes?] landed on a pair of combat boots standing in one of my favorite Israeli shoe shops, Gazith [very recommended for alternative people who don't have much money]. They were absolutely perfect and I wore them everywhere. They've lasted me for almost 3 years, which is rare for shoes from that company.
The second pair were from another Israeli brand called Spring. If any of you Israeli readers out there planning to purchase shoes from that company, hold your horses. They weren't too cheap but looked cool, yet another fake combats. The shoes were such a fail they've disappointing me since the first Israeli winter [aka, absence of the winter season]. Not only did the rain made them wet from the inside, I had to have the repaired almost a month after purchasing. Obviously enough, they didn't survive the cruel snowy winter in Berlin. Thus making me rid of them forever this summer.

Farewell boots. You haven't served me well at all. I only kept the shoe laces. 

With that being said, I had to find good winter boots before it really got cold/ rainy. And so I went with Boris to one of Berlin's flea markets, recalling a friend telling us one could find combats there for a reasonable price [I don't have the option to order them online].

How did the flea market look like, and how come one can find kick ass boots for like 35 euro, second hand but in amazing condition, you say? Well, the only logic explanation would be, that this is Berlin baby.
At one point I thought I've reached Valhalla.

It was insane. So many awesome shoes, piled up [but being kept well] on a small stand. We saw combats [uk made!] in various sizes and lengths, ever real wincklepikers size 43!! I begged Boris to try them, but he wisely held himself back hence he wasn't going to buy shoes.

I've picked the combats which looked least worn, they only have a small scratch on the front of the right shoe. After giving them a polish one can't notice that. They are size 39, exactly what I need, and are surprisingly heavy. I am still excited each time I wear them!

 They are real leather unfortunately, but at least they are second hand...
Also they are hard, which means it is difficult to go down the stairs [foot doesn't bend]. But overall they are perfect, they look amazing, they are super comfortable and make me feel very feminine! Imagine that....

Discovered this Russian hardcore punk band yesterday. Great music with very wise lyrics and zero use of cursing words! I still am stoked about it, great band!

N. Finsternis

Tanzkommando Untergang - One Last Time

It was January, Boris and I entered a very odd filthy place filled with tons of graffiti and spiderwebs, and realized we're in a house project, them abandoned houses punks use to change the world, but in reality they get drunk and play mostly bad music. But that night was different, not because we still couldn't get use to the horrific Berlin winter, but because that night 2 special things happened in that house project under the name Kopi- we met people that would be our best friends for the first time, and there was really good music.

That was when I heard TKU for the first time. Surprised that the vocals came from a female singer, as when I heard their songs on youtube I thought it was a guy, and overwhelmed by the number of real live punks which I've never had any human contact to when I lived in Israel, that was for me a historic night.
Because I've never was so attached to a certain band before, I felt like I wanted to hear their concerts all over again, that I actually take pretty nice concert photos considering my professionally amateur skills.

I remember standing in the corner in my coat and scarf dying from cold, while all the punks jumped around with dreadlocks from their butts and their DIY studded vests and thought, I don't belong here, but the music makes me feel at home, it makes me want to be who I am.
From that concert on I've self proclaimed myself as a goth-concert photographer, and I've been following TKU to every gig in Berlin.

I think I even was a bit jealous, not sure of what. Maybe of other people who found their place in Berlin, whereas at the time Boris and I spent in the city only a couple of weeks, adapting ourselves to absolutely everything.

This Monday Tanzkommando Untergang played their last gig, at the same house project Kopi, but in a different hall, much smaller and intimate. It is a shame when a band splits, but with every ending comes a new beginning, and I can say that I am even more attached to the beloved Marta, and am very excited for her coldwave duo Monowelt, which I am positive would bring [good] drama to the scene :)

I was more than honored to photograph this last concert. The hell, I've been planning this for a month, and although I was drunk and a bit high, the pics came out pretty good. Haven't used long exposure for such a long time, I've missed that.

The same night played Horror Vacui, an Italian dark punk band, which were absolutely awesome, energetic and interesting! I didn't like the vocalist's attitude and in my opinion one guitarist would have been enough, but the singing were amazing, and each song sounded really awesome. Unfortunately I was so drunk and tired by that moment, and the insane and annoying crowd didn't leave room for one slim photographer. Alas, next time.

I shall bless this tear squeezing post by saying to you: go to concerts. Go to see bands, especially from the scene. Who knows, maybe it's a band that won't ever perform anymore? Maybe you'll end up in one of the first gigs of a very influential and important band? Parties are fun and all, but they have been repeating themselves for the past 20 years. Bands come and go, and each has its own special spark, that in most cases, never come back.

Thank you TKU, I am so glad I had a chance to witness you live, know the band members personally and make such good friends :)

N. Finsternis

Music Questions

Because today is so gray and melancholic I am unable to write a descent post about Tanzkommando Untergang's last ever concert this Monday [stay tuned, this shall happen soon] and can't move or do anything from the moody sea I am drowning in. I find this state to be in the border between depression, happiness, freedom, being horny and inspired. I think this explains the disability of my mind today in detail. Also I'm having another language test tomorrow and despite everything I feel more than ready and can't concentrate on preparing myself.

Ok here goes, got this from Tumblr:

• 1: A song that makes you feel happy
• Xmal Deutschland - Matador
• 2: A song that makes you feel sad
• Fleur - Ремонт
• 3: A song that makes you feel badass
• Eleven Pond - Ignorant Father
• 4: A song that makes you feel angry
• Any minimal synth/ new pop song
• 5: A song that makes you feel in love
• Cocteau Twins - Ivo
• 6: A song that makes you feel heart broken
• Cocteau Twins - Persephone
• 7: A song that makes you jump in excitement
• Killing Joke - Eighties
• 8: A song that makes you think about life
• Trisomie 21 - The Last Song
• 9: A song that makes you cry
• Christina Aguilera - Hurt
• 10: A song you find boring
• Any Sisters Of mercy song
• 11: A song you listened to too many times and got sick of it
• Bauhaus - Hollow Hils
• 12: A song you love
• Opeth - In The Mist She Was Standing
• 13: A song you hate
• Again, any Sisters of Mercy song
• 14: A song that makes you dance
• Portishead - Over
• 15: A song that makes you sing
• Kan Kan - Memories and Dreams
• 16: A song that gets stuck in your head
• Tanzkommando Untergang - The King [in a good way]
• 17: Your favorite song
• And Also The Trees - Twilight's Pool
• 18: The last song you listened to
• Trisomie 21 - The Last Song
• 19: The song you’re listening to now
• Same here...
• 20: The first five songs on your ipod
• Agalloch - The Mantle [album]
• 21: The first five songs on your ipod on shuffle
• I don't think I have shuffle on my ipod...
• 22: A song from your childhood
• Татьяна Буланова - Мой Ненаглядный [you won't want you hear this one]
• 23: The song you want to die listening to
• Opeth - Black Rose Immortal [last 5 minutes of it]
• 24: The song you last sang
• Can't recall...
• 25: A song that brings up good memories
• The Cure - 10:15
• 26: A song that brings up bad memories
• The Mars Volta - Since We've Been Wrong
• 27: A song that you can fall asleep to
• Can't fall asleep with music. Must listen.
• 28: A song that makes you scream when you hear it
• Anything Rihanna...
• 29: A song that makes you feel pumped up
• Noisuf-X - Stroke By Stroke
• 30: A song you wish everyone would listen to
• The Wings Of Desire - Outside 
• 31: A song you haven’t heard in a long time
• Nikki Sudden - Death Is Hanging Over Me
• 32: A song you can always back to and listen to and fall in love with it all over again
• Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Trilogy
• 33: A song with a story behind it
• Earosmith - Dream On
• 34: A song that’s starting to grow on you
• Placebo - Nancy Boy
• 35: A song you’re starting to get sick of
• In Death It Ends - Forgotten Knowledge
• 36: The song you’ve listened to the most
• Metro Deacy - Keimillia

Till next time,

N. Finsternis

DIY Punk Vest + LGBT Demo. Outfit & Face

As promised, this was one of my projects lately. I've been inspired a lot by punk lately, and a jeans vest is something I've never had. It wasn't a common decision to insert a non-black item in my wardrobe, especially that I generally dislike how jeans fabric can look, but I've been eager to make new patches already and haven't had enough place on my jacket.

This was the first product, a children's jeans jacket which sleeves I cut off:

 Cute little bumble bee on the back.

The reason I chose a children's jacket, is because it is small and will serve more as an accessory than an actual clothing item. I also didn't want the vest to clash with my entire outfit too much but rather to accompany it. Having a normal size vest would have been too big for me, to my personal taste at least.

Decorating was a lot of fun. I've used studs that I was smart enough to bring with me from Israel [ordered from Ebay by Boris' father for me long time ago] and drew the patches by hand. 

The bronze pin belongs to the Logistic military corps, AKA worn on a beret by every Israeli soldier. This pin belonged to Boris in his 1 year service, I believe I've left my Home Front Command pin at my mother's house in Israel. The reason why I'm wearing Israeli military gadgets on my jacket and vest is purely sarcastic. There's also my Clockwork Orange pin that I took from my jacket, it was bought in my first trip to Berlin in 2009 :)

I've made patches of my 2 favorite post punk bands. The Xmal Deutschland was drawn by hand, and because I didn't have a thinner brush the 'Deutschland" turned a bit chubby, but it looks cool anyway. I'm planning to make the Lebanon Hannover gallow symbol later on.

This is how the vest turned out:

 It's still not as detailed as I've wanted it to be, but it's a work in progress, and with time I'll have better ideas. You are welcome to suggest anything!

Moving on to the outfit, this was what I wore to the LGBT rights demonstration last weekend:

I;m really happy about how the vest looks! It's very comfy and doesn't feel small even when wearing several shirts underneath despite it being a children's clothing. I am planning to wear it with a maxi skirt I bought not long ago. The bohemian style is something that inspires me aside from punk as well lately :)

This was my makeup:

The usual Catrice gel liner + a black eyeshadow.

Lips are black lipstick mixed with chapstick.

I hope everyone is having some beautiful autumn days. Let them be grayer and colder!

Alas, such music was great for the last misty days!

N. Finsternis

Emotional September + LGBT Demo. pics + Emo Rants

Yesterday's demonstration was an amazing experience. I had lots of fun, watching all the colorful people, holding signs that were so sharply stating their point of view against homophobia has really touched my heart. Walking by these people made me feel like I am doing something right that will bring a change. It was a pleasure to see other straights couples out there and a few goths as well. We marched with the thousands of people through the whole city and finished at the Russian embassy, where the demonstration continued with music and speeches being made on stage, but at that point me and Boris left because we were tired.

Here are a few pics. It was a great event and I hope it will get recognition in the press out there, not only in Germany.

It was really touching to see old people as well.

Backcombed hair survived the rain. I still can't believe that!

I'll make a "demonstration outfit post" a bit later.

The most annoying part after I've posted the pictures on facebook was to get a PM from a person who is in my friends list but with whom I spoke only once in my life, asking if I was gay and if so what about Boris. I was so pissed about such rudeness, not to mention sticking your nose into matters which not only don't concern you, but having no clue about why I was in a sea of rainbow flags in the first place. Stupid people.

Which leads us to this emotional rant: overall I'm a bit down lately. Everything that has to do with people makes me uncomfortable and annoyed, especially things considering my family. I feel very unattached, and although I do miss my family and my mother, I know I cannot have a real connection with her because of a lot of different things. I have Boris to cheer me up of course, but having to talk with my mother in skype makes me uneasy and has no point at all.

Every now and then I have them "mother relationship depressions" that I can't seem to get over. I has been going on like this for almost 2 years, and it seems that each time I am surprised by how my mother can never be honest with me nor put her words on the table and talks about serious things. I also hate when she talks as if in denial about a lot of matters, and in general doesn't let me be honest with her as well. The stupidest thing is that when I tell her about my happenings in our conversations, she seems as if she drifts off and doesn't listen, making me feel that whatever I am going through isn't important. Trying to mention this to her has no point whatsoever. She will play denial, get hurt, and the cycle would repeat itself making no progress in our "relationship". I am also trying to figure out a way to cut off the contact that my biological father [who hasn't been a part of my life since my mom divorced him when I was 3 years old but a few years ago jumped into my life via Facebook pretending like having a connection with me] is forcing upon me. He is not a bad man but rather a naive one, who wishes to believe that his sudden re-appearance into my life not only makes a difference in his, but also has a great contribution in mine. The problem is he's not only has absolutely  no clue about the person I am, but also acts as if he does. Trying to explain that to him makes no sense, he is a person that doesn't get a message even if it has been repeated a thousand times.

For the record, my real father, with whom my mother is married ever since I was 3 years old has been the one and only father figure I've had. However, we have a very poor connection, and I've always believed to have only a mother, instead of 2 people who happen to be in the role of father, but be absolutely indifferent in my life.

So much for family awkwardness and rants. Sorry for dropping this weight here, I believe it makes little sense to write emotionally charged posts here, I don't want this blog to become an average well of suffering [I've already had that thing back when I was in my teens] and I also like things to be informative and theme-related. I guess I just had to share this one, maybe I WILL make those emo. posts after all. No harm done, you'll understand, right?

Happy September everyone.

N. Finsternis